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I Need Support - Anxiety Out Of Control

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:dontknow:I need some support in dealing with some of my symptoms, and I have many questions. I didn't know that what I was suffering from, in addition to Biploar and OCD, was PTSD until I saw my new psychiatrist, and he diagnosed me properly. The other night I had a nightmare relating to one of the events that precipitated my PTSD. I don't know how to deal with them. I have anxiety when I watch certain scenes of violence on television; I get dizzy and nauseous and feel like I'm going to faint!! I'm lost here and since I'm new, my posts have to be moderated and it seems like it's taking forever for my posts to appear!! I don't know what to do until I can start getting some feedback from someone!! I feel so isolated!! PLEASE HeLp Me!! Anxiety and fear are running my life!!

Josh77:wall: :crazy:
Hi Josh,

Please have patience here Josh, as you must remember, your not the only one with PTSD here... what you suffer, we all suffer. Everyone here does their best to provide support that they are capable, without over doing it and making themselves ill in the process. Your no longer in moderation, so all your posts now go live instantly.

Anxiety and fear running your life... yep, thats PTSD. Josh, please take it easy on yourself, otherwise your really going to just increase your anxiety in anticipation, which really isn't any good for you, or your health. There is no quick fix to PTSD, it takes time, control, education and lots more. Its quite a long journey to healing actually... but achievable if dedicated.

Josh, what happened too you in relation to your trauma? What are you dreaming about and how does this impact your trauma itself?

If your watching violence on TV and that is triggering you, my suggestion for the time being would be to stop watching it, until such time as you learn more, get some control off your symptoms, and educate yourself on how to handle triggers, analyse the outcomes and learn from them. This type of thing is really only provoking you more at present, which you just don't need.
As far as my trauma, there were 3 traumatic events in my life that precipitated my PTSD (1 when I was 11 years old and 2 when I was 27) the first one triggered the PTSD. OCD was my way of dealing with the anxiety/fear... the last two just made it worse. The first event was (without going into much detail) a childhood surrounded by the violence of my older brother (who was an adult when I was 11) aimed at me and my other family members, but one violent outburst in particular. My brother was drunk and went nuts... destroyed everything in the house and beat on my father repeatedly in front of me and my crying mother... I felt so helpless. There's more to the story but in time I'll be able to get into more detail. My oldest brother used to beat me bad!! Broken nose one time...etc. Then two years ago, when I was 27, I was jumped, beaten half to death, and robbed by 6 or 7 black gang members who were on a robbery spree in my town. They were going to kill me, but I got away before they could beat me to death!! I heard them say to each other that they were going to kill me. The third event that added to my PTSD was finding my wife dead of an overdose of pills (that was probably minor in comparision to the violent events, but still traumatic to find her dead on the floor. As far as my nightmares, I recently had one were black gang members were chasing me through town, shooting guns at me and beating me down... I woke up in panic!! sweaty, nauseous, anxious, panicked, etc... I have gaps in my memory of the night that my wife died, and I don't want to remember. My psychiatrist said that that was good that I can't recall exactly what happened that night right now; less pain for now.

I hope that answered your questions, and I thank you for replying to my post!! I will disclose more details as I feel more comfortable because there is more to the events... more details.

Well done Josh. Honestly, there is no race for you to get everything out, instead merely do things in time. You will know when your ready, because you will tell your entire story, whether public or private. It is very hard to give specific guidance though to bits and pieces of trauma, often because knowing one thing to give guidance upon, then knowing the full story, the original guidance can be far from accurate.

Josh, I would just settle in to be honest, chat with members, get to know people, allow others to know you. This is how you will feel comfortable in shareing. As you relate to others, you generally talk about your feelings and events, relating them to another in similarity. It all takes time, and there really is no rush, because if you do rush things, chance are your going to end up over-loaded, on the edge and much worse than you may be capable off controlling at once. Lets not do that ha...

I am sorry Josh that your wife did what she did, I know it must be quite hard for you. Very sorry about your loss, especially under those circumstances.

Josh, I can see things surrounding your wifes death, and I would like to discuss those with you if you want. Why do you honestly believe she over-dosed on pills to commit suicide?
Thank you everyone

first of all, thank you for listening, everybody... and for being there for support.

I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to talk about my wife's death in any more detail at this time. We will talk when the time is right. But let's just say that I blame myself for not seeing the signs leading up to her death.

Thanx, again...
And there be half the problem already Josh, in that you blame yourself for something you could not actually know. You see, you said above, "I blame myself for not seeing the signs". What signs? Did anyone else see them? Did you know they where signs at the time, or did you only know after the event? If you didn't, then you are blaming yourself for something you couldn't control. The keyword there... "couldn't control".

Answer this for me Josh please. Do you have a crystal ball that can see or predict the future?
Well, she talked about suicide fairly often, and everytime I took the time to talk to her, to let her know that she would be missed, and I always got her to change her mind. She adamantly refused to go to the hospital to get help, so I did what I could to talk her out of it. Well, on December 7, 2004, I thought I talked her out of it, again, but I was woken up from a nap by our roommate, who was less than 20 feet from her the whole time I was asleep. He said that "something was wrong with Lisa (my wife)" and without going into detail, I found her on the floor dead of an overdose of pills and an illegal substance, which I am not ready to name, yet. She left a suicide note and everything. Our roommate was on the computer and not paying much attention to Lisa, but neither was I... I was asleep!! I have gaps in my memory of that night, which the police tried to fill in by questioning me, but it was determined that she was killed by the pills and the illegal drug combination. In hindsight, now I know that she was extremely depressed that night and I guess I should have forced her to go to the crisis hospital!!
That's why I blame myself... also, I blame myself for not remembering everything that happened that cold December night... Did I maybe say something wrong that pushed her over the edge? Did I treat her right? Should I have had her committed to a hospital? Ugghhhhhhhh!! Strong emotions are coming up, so I have to stop that thought right now!!!
Josh, One thing I'm picking up is the confusion. People usually have problems when serious events (usually 2 or more) happen close together. I know the level of anxeity is really high right now and your having a hard time remembering what it was like to not have that feeling in your chest. I too have trouble with TV shows and even went to movies that I can't remember but am told I was there. The only thing that has helped me has been therapy and meds. It's not perfect but it helps. I'm new here too but from what I've seen these folks do care and know what it's like. You can always give me a shout if you need to. I don't sleep.
Thank you, Terry!! It really does help to know that I'm not alone with my problems!! Thank you, very much for the feedback.
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