I'm scared to try. There I've said it....I ranted and raved about having to take responsibility for myself, my recover because it pisses me off that the damage that was done was done by other people but yet I'm responsible to clean up the mess. The mess that I didn't make. I didn't ask for. And to be honest I don't have a clue how to go about doing it. My therapist calls it learned helplessness. I guess I'm the queen of learned helplessness. Quick get me my crown. I can't see myself any differently so I remain stuck. I probably trust my therapist more than anybody else right now but even with him there's a limit. The nice thing about this forum is that I can say/write anything and I know it will be met with support. I've noticed that most people do not use their real names but I CHOSE to use mine because I won't live my life in anonymity. I need to be honest with myself and the truth of the matter is the way that I truly feel about myself: I feel like a piece of shit. I don't know how or why any man would want me. I don't feel good enough or attractive. I have been told that I am but it's hard for me to believe it. I am afraid to embrace my life. I am really struggling right now. The flashback I had last week through me for such a loop. I feel very fragile and not coping very well. Although I have not cut myself so that is definitely a success. When you are told over and over growing up that you are ugly, stupid, do things half-ass....it destroys who you are as a person and damages your self-esteem. So, getting out of my mothers house was the best thing I ever did. She did so much damage to me.