I need to rest but my thoughts are killing me

[arborman]

Hi my name is Rod and this is my first post. I'm wondering if someone can give me some ideas to deal with the main issue of my ptsd.... I can't sleep. I developed a sleep phobia a year ago after withdrawing from a benzodiazapine too fast. My doctor told me to take it for situational anxiety, and I got addicted mentally over a period of a little over a month of taking it. I stopped taking it and stopped sleeping as well. It took me over a month to withdraw from it and doing so was traumatic. After getting off it I have been on every med out there for sleep with no luck.
After ambium and lunesta stopped working, I am now doing a slow taper with valium and depakote.
That's not going well, and thoughts of suicide are daily. I haven't gotten a good nights sleep for over a year now. some nights one or two hours.... sometimes more if I'm lucky.

I have finally figured out that the trauma of the original withdrawal, drudged up every negative and painful experience of growing up in a disfunctional home, coupled with the trauma of not sleeping for so long.

Going to bed is traumatic in itself.... will I sleep? The anxiety is terrible,,, self induced and from the taper .... probly everyting.

My kids just came in, I will continue this later.... but basically, this is it.... when i shut my eyes to sleep or relax i can't do it... there is a trigger that creates a self destructive pattern from my subconscious.... I'll start to drift off and then jolt awake.

How do I deal with this.... my thoughts are killing me..... I need my rest, but am unable to let go......

I started thinking about the actual experience that happened during the origingal withdrawl and it seems to have made things worse.....

I've been reading all kinds of books on cognitive behaviour, trauma, and such, but just think the trauma i experienced is just too much.... I'm not really able to work and not taking care of myself.... the anxiety is overwhelming.

Any ideas out there would be great. I'm doing the breathing when trying to sleep... my mind is just overthinking, then when I do get to sleep my subconscious wakes me up after an hour or so..... I'm tired of this and can't take it too much longer.

thanks for listening and would appreciate your thoughts.

Rod

 

[Salu]

You have tried all different meds, have you tried to reorganise your life in general? This is a rather slow approach but it did give me quite good results plus maybe try to get in a sleep clinicor research program.

What I did: * gave up coffee and tried not to drink anything that had coffeine in it. Most teas do have it, by the way.
*I got up and went to bed at the same time every day and that includes week-ends.
*Schedule. Every day had a schedule.
*Do exactly the same things in the same order after waking up every day and before going to sleep.
*Fresh food as much as possible at this time of year, fast food is nono.
*No surprises. Everything I had to do was planned far ahed, no rushing.
*Routine.
*Routine.
*Routine.



I cant suggest anything for the thinking overload, but there is probably some thinking technique that works for you.
The only thing working for me is a big umbrella. When I can´t handle thoughts anymore I imagine I have this huge black umbrella hovering over me and nothing gets through there.

And again - this is slow approach and it does take quite some time before seeing any results.
Good luck.

 

[missy8888]

Hi Rod, welcome to this site.. Have you concidered going to your primary doctor and getting a referral for a sleep study?

This test checks all of your biological functions.. Brain waves, cardiac rythms, respitory, it checks for sleep apnea, restless leg syndome, oxygen levels of the blood....

There could be another reason you are having trouble sleeping (besides your mind racing)....

for example, if you have sleep apnea...you end up gasping for air hundreds of times a night, (u don't even realize this happens) so if you are stressed, but then u start to dose off...u are about to fall asleep.....then ur body ends up gasping for air and u wake urself up without even knowing.......

You never end up going through all the sleep stages enough to get to REM sleep...When you go to the sleep lab.... you will be in your own room..

The sleep tech will... Hook up electrodes to your head (checks brain waves).. there will be a snore microphone near your face.. you will have chest electrodes as well (like an ekg) there will also be a respitory belt (checks your breathing and respitory effort) you will also have leads on your legs and arms.... and they will put that little clip on your fingernail with the red light(that checks the oxygen in your blood)

It takes about a half hour to set up.. (it's not that bad.....lol) and then you try to sleep... you are in the room alone... all of the euiptment u are hooked up to will be monitored by the tech all night.. then they will take all the hours of info, and make a report to send back to the doctor...

If they find you have sleep apnea ect... they will do more tests........ This test is kinda like an MRI of Sleep... it's very extensive and it takes all night... my point is.... it can help you find out why you cant sleep.... besides your mind racing... You body when sleep deprived...WILL shut down......(sleep) even if your mind is trying to fight it..... Thats why i think its possible it could be something else.....and i hope it is....cause then you can get help for it.........

If you have any questions you can message me or put it in a thread like this.. Also most major hospitals have sleep labs, and most cardiologists and neurologists all work with them....so you shouldn't have a problem getting a refferal...There is a strong corelation between poor health and sleep problems, most good doctors recognize this and are more than willing to look into this for their patients......

Good luck hun! Missy

 

[jeapea]

I try to put something else in my mind so I can sleep. A book, a mindless video game with soft, soothing music (no lyrics), and BE physically tired when I get into bed. Fresh air and excersize help me get physically tired instead of being emotionally drained or mentally exhausted. And focusing on light reading, or mindless games for a little while before bed, keeps me focused on 'not much'. Slows down the 'race' going on in my head.

Also, a lot of my abuses happened in my bed, or while I was sleeping so I 'woke up' to horrors. So, 'where' I sleep has a lot to do with 'how' or 'if' I sleep. I have to feel safe just going there. Sleeping bags are nice. You can put them anywhere.

Just hoping to offer some helpful ideas.

 

[Tinyflame]

Don't know if this will help, but in my case elevated blood pressure or heart rate keeps the thoughts going and just like you, I am lucky to get sometimes 2-3 hours minus waking up about 6 or 7 times.
Worth checking maybe?

Definitely "relaxing" seems to have much to do with it for me, and much of that seems dependent on my hour-to-hour thoughts, irregardless of what I try to do physically to relax.

Hope this helps.