Sufferer I recovered from PTSD before but after new trauma I am struggling deeply again

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I new here, I recovered from ptsd before but after new trauma I am struggling deeply again. I was diagnosed with chronic PTSD and am about to add meds to my recovery plan. I was hoping to just use the skills I learned in therapy but its gotten pretty bad.

Unfortunately I have been dealing with a lot of harassment as well which is not helping. I was victimized by some gang members and now theyve been trying to harass me and make me feel uncomfortable in my nieghborhood. The police wont help even with clear evidence such as videos and them threatening my roomate and calling the police on me and lying about me having a weapon and threatening them.

I tried to report them after they called the police but they blamed it on their underage brother and said I was trying to hurt a minor which wasn't true. I wasn't arrested the police treated it like kids will be kids but when I moved the "gangster kids in my new nieghborhood tried to crash into me and when I got out of the car they tried to jump me with a pregnant girl who was 16 and another 16 year old girl.

I didn't hit the pregnant girl she kept hitting me in the face but I guess she had no strength because it didn't hurt. The other girl I did fight because I didn't know her age. when the fight stopped they were shouting gangs names and more. And then they tried to report me for hitting a minor.

Since then Ive dealt with a lot of backlash as if I am dangerous and bad to kids. I use to love kids, I was great with them. Its tough alone to try to recover from PTSD but then to be targeted even more during recovery because people want to be gangster and savage is ridiculous.

I don't plan on moving, I plan on staying strong documenting my experience as a survivor and various ways victimizers organize and harass. If I weren't smart enough to record and make reports when I did I would be in jail. This is sad, some gangs target women rape them ruin their reputation and try to get them sent to jail or worse. Its a real thing, it happens to many women and I don't want to go down without a fight, without using my experience to help people learn and build better systems to protect survivors while trying recover.

most of this harassment has come from hispanic gangs, i am hispanic myself so I use to not be racist at all towards hispanic people. But part of my harassment was then video taping me accusing me of being racist and saying racist things and me saying I never said you were "racist term" and they laughed said they were going to edit the video so that it only shows me saying racist words and tell the world i am racist, they didn't know I was hispanic because I was visiting my friend who loved in a house with all white people. They tormented my friend and there family as well with false reports and more. I am sad to say I do feel racist now. I feel now I am scared of hispanic people because I don't know if theyd be involved in the harassment. I have to fight the urge to get over protective and defensive around hispanic people. I have to try to take a step back and understand these feelings and fight against feeling it a race thing or its just gang bs.

I don't know excatly why they decided to target me, if they remembered me from my rape in Highschool or if it was retailation for my abusive ex going to jail. what I do know is I documented and recorded much of. I had people admit to targeting me and purposely try to set off my chronic ptsd triggers. I do consider myself somewhat racist now I wasnt before, but a majority of my rape and assault seems to come from a certain race, I understand it has nothing to do with it, but I feel my brain is trying to protect itself, I was always patient towards racist people by just trying to talk and show them, so its interesting to feel those feelings for the first time acknowledge them and try to rationize and correct them.
 
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Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
Hi, welcome :)

Don't take that on... You're not a kid hater and you're not a racist.

You're a good person trying to survive very real & immediate violence.

Who's going about it in both legal and very appropriate ways, like collecting evidence, and even activism / educating others.

That's pretty awesome way of fighting back :D Mucho valor. Y fuerza.

Keep on keeping on.
 
Hi, welcome :)

Don't take that on... You're not a kid hater and you're not a racist.

You're a good person trying to survive very real & immediate violence.

Who's going about it in both legal and very appropriate ways, like collecting evidence, and even activism / educating others.

That's pretty awesome way of fighting back :D Mucho valor. Y fuerza.

Keep on keeping on.


Thank you so much it feels nice to talk about it and be understood
 

Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
:)

For the matter (mixed race Black, moi, & ethnicity / belongings get whole other deal complicated) it's not like you are racist against a single (or more) races, or internalized racist if who hurt (s) you is of the same race as you.

It's correct understanding very deep in heart them people collosally messed up. That's a good thing.

And traitors to the race itself are them. Normal people of all colors can do without pulling the kind of shit tricks they do on a daily basis.

So them with *that* excuse need to shut it. Not about the race but acts.
 
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