P
Pocket Fairy
Before I had PTSD, I never would have been able to grasp how someone can have a foot in reality and a foot in a memory without being able to tell the two apart. No one else can know what's happening in my mind or my eyes or my ears, and I can't explain it in the moment. It's embarrassing afterward, when I realize that I'm missing time in real life and replacing that time with some memory that got mixed in. It makes me feel like a crazy person and makes me look like a basket case. But it's so exhausting, living in this kind of universe now, where I can't control anything that takes over my head. I'm so scared and panicked all the time, even when I'm sitting next to someone who loves me, who isn't doing anything wrong. It keeps getting worse. I feel like it's destroying every part of life that I love. I'm so tired of going back to that place that makes me feel trapped and anxious and threatened in real time.