I stopped taking my medication

[JessC]

I stopped because it wasn't doing a lot. It was helping a tiny bit, but I was more concerned how much I started needing it. I've been off for about two weeks now. I'm kind of hoping that when it gets completely out of my system things will calm down. I went from hardly having any emotions while on it, to having emotions with a hair trigger. I had intentionally lied to the doctor to get anything to help. I just haven't told anyone my thoughts, and things I've been through. I just told her that I've been depressed and anxious. She gave zoloft, and sent me on my way. I've been on that for over a year. So when I stopped I knew it wasn't going to be good. Wish talking to someone face to face wasn't so hard for me. I feel like if I ever got forced to talk to someone, I would probably panic and take my life. I feel so much guilt and shame being vague online even. As someone who has been attacked every time I've shown what some might call weakness, it hard to say anything even on here. My head just screams that I'm just looking for attention. That nobody actually cares. That anything nice someone does for me is out of pity, because of how pathetic I am. Men don't act this way. How can I call myself a man when I can't even function as a person. I can't help feeling this way. Everything I breakdown it makes me feel like less of a person. Even on meds it would happen a couple times a day. Usually at work, which really doesn't help the feelings of shame, and before I go to bed. I've been this way 3 decades. Wow, wording it like that doesn't help either. I haven't been happy since my age was in the single digits. I know I need to see a therapist, or possibly be hospitalized, but I don't think I could ever take that step. I'm sorry. This is more venting than anything I guess.

 

[somerandomguy]

Did you just stop Zoloft cold turkey? That's a pretty bad idea. In your shoes I'd call my doctor pronto.

How can I call myself a man when I can't even function as a person.

And yet, you're still a man. I promise.

Men don't act this way.

Man can and do act this way all the time. Society says men aren't supposed to act that way. But society is full of shit when it comes to policing men.

No matter what you do or what you feel, @jch, you are a man. You feel what you feel and tamping it down will cause you endless problems.

I'm glad you posted. Keep posting! You are worthwhile. We've got your back.

 

[JessC]

Thanks for the kind words. Yeah I quit cold turkey. I knew before hand that it would be rough. I don't know I've just been lost lately. I've always forced myself to act like people around me out of self preservation mostly. I've done that since grade school. Now I've been doing self examination, and having to come to terms with things I really don't want to. Seems like the more I discover about myself the worse I feel. It means things will get harder, and I don't think I can handle it. So I've been kind of a panicking mess lately. Sorry for the long rants. This stuff just kind of pours out all at once when I start typing.

 

[somerandomguy]

Keep typing as long as you want, friend.

Is there any chance for therapy for you? Sounds like you need an ally.

 

[JessC]

Non in my town. I probably couldn't force myself to go anyway. I'm well aware I need therapy. I know I make things harder for myself, but I can't help it.

 

[gman]

I am in the process of withdrawal myself ( diazepam which I had switched to from clonazepam) and I am in the same boat. I know it's important to be able to get it out. I know some people who have been through it, and one keeps telling me "hang in , it gets better." Doesn't take the pain away, but helps me believe that my life still has purpose, even though I can't see or feel that right now.

Feelings come and go and are very erratic, that is part of the process, there is nothing wrong with you.
Also, the drug had numbed my feelings, and I couldn't cry. I have come to believe it's good to cry and now I can. It reminds me that I am human and not a zombie or a robot.

Do the best you can every day, knowing that there will be ups and downs, maybe more downs at first. It can take time.

I find that stress magnifies the anxiety, restlessness and despair. Even a small thing like tidying my desk(today) can make a small difference

 

[JessC]

I am in the process of withdrawal myself ( diazepam which I had switched to from clonazepam) and I am in the same boat. I know it's important to be able to get it out. I know some people who have been through it, and one keeps telling me "hang in , it gets better." Doesn't take the pain away, but helps me believe that my life still has purpose, even though I can't see or feel that right now.

Feelings come and go and are very erratic, that is part of the process, there is nothing wrong with you.
Also, the drug had numbed my feelings, and I couldn't cry. I have come to believe it's good to cry and now I can. It reminds me that I am human and not a zombie or a robot.

Do the best you can every day, knowing that there will be ups and downs, maybe more downs at first. It can take time.

I find that stress magnifies the anxiety, restlessness and despair. Even a small thing like tidying my desk(today) can make a small difference

Thanks for the kind words. I definitely need to do some cleaning. My place is so shameful right now. I kind of let everything get a little out of control. I sure some spring cleaning will help if I can actually make myself do it lol.

 

[gman]

Thanks for the kind words. I definitely need to do some cleaning. My place is so shameful right now. I kind of let everything get a little out of control. I sure some spring cleaning will help if I can actually make myself do it lol.

I find that just a little at a time is more doable because it takes away the overwhelm. I finally put my laundry away today lol..

 

[Defaultxlove]

Good job for posting