• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

I think I am feeling like I was used? Is that it?

Status
Not open for further replies.

Justmehere

Sponsor
I ran into a trigger: several people who asked for my help, didn't show up to agreed upon parts or meetings for the help, then when I declined to reschedule they complained I wasn't helping enough and their goals were not met. I set and held boundaries as kindly as I could, but it played out where I tried to... be enough? And got slammed for not being everything when they didn't even show up! We were on a team together, and it's like they threw away my work and then said it wasn't enough. When I think about it, I'm really deeply bothered about this more than the situation deserves. It should just be annoying and me shrugging off people as lazy and not worth my time. It was people I knew for awhile, and it was several of them. It's hitting something much deeper for me.

I think I am feeling like I was used? Is that it? Can't figure it out or find words. It was several people in a short time. To compound it, I set boundaries I couldn't talk to help them meet their needs any further that they complained I wasn't helping meet sufficiently. I told them yep. I can't help at all. I directed them to people who could. They did not avail themselves of that support.

Then one claimed they wanted to repair the relationship. I told them I'm really sick (I am) and I would consider talking in a few weeks or months. Not now. They pressed in. Said I clearly wasn't that sick if I could type an email back to decline a phone call or meeting with them.

I have asked they do not contact me again. I have blocked them and they are busy being the assholes that they are. I mean, I should just shrug this off as ok, cool, I kicked assholes out of my life.

But I'm triggered. Fight or flight triggered. It doesn't make sense to me right now. Does it make sense to anyone else? Am I overlooking the obvious?
 
I think to feel used in an exploitative, very one sided situation in which you pull all the weight and they do a no show *and* berate you for it, is legit.

Makes sense extra stress, when already sick and needing to tend to your needs first, would dig in deeper than usual.

Let alone asshole behavior is usually upsetting people even without current and chronic health issues thrown in. So not like having a reaction is wrong.
 
But I'm triggered. Fight or flight triggered. It doesn't make sense to me right now.
I don't have an answer, just an observation. I've noticed that when I react like that to something, there IS a reason and it's usually worth figuring it out. Most of the time, the reason it hits a nerve is because it reminds me, somehow, of something I'm not thinking about. (Because thinking about it isn't pleasant. It's part of my brain saying "there be dragons there!".)

An observation that could be related, or not. "Boundaries" are a big deal for you. I get the feeling that the word/concept has an extra level of meaning for you that it doesn't have for most people. (The idea of "tricking" someone is like that for me.) Would it help, do you think, to pick apart what all is involved with "boundaries" in your world view?

As far as their behavior goes....... It doesn't surprise me at all that some people choose both not to show up and then to blame the person they were supposed to meet for not getting stuff done. I think that's part of how they guilt people into doing stuff for them. I can't see a thing wrong with the way you handled it, it's just that THEY didn't handle it, on any level, the way you were hoping they would. It's beyond my comprehension that so many people in your life don't get that you're working on a challenging recovery from a serious procedure. That doesn't seem like such a difficult concept to grasp.
 
I ran into a trigger: several people who asked for my help, didn't show up to agreed upon parts or meetings for the help, then when I declined to reschedule they complained I wasn't helping enough and their goals were not met. I set and held boundaries as kindly as I could, but it played out where I tried to... be enough? And got slammed for not being everything when they didn't even show up! We were on a team together, and it's like they threw away my work and then said it wasn't enough. When I think about it, I'm really deeply bothered about this more than the situation deserves. It should just be annoying and me shrugging off people as lazy and not worth my time. It was people I knew for awhile, and it was several of them. It's hitting something much deeper for me.

I think I am feeling like I was used? Is that it? Can't figure it out or find words. It was several people in a short time. To compound it, I set boundaries I couldn't talk to help them meet their needs any further that they complained I wasn't helping meet sufficiently. I told them yep. I can't help at all. I directed them to people who could. They did not avail themselves of that support.

Then one claimed they wanted to repair the relationship. I told them I'm really sick (I am) and I would consider talking in a few weeks or months. Not now. They pressed in. Said I clearly wasn't that sick if I could type an email back to decline a phone call or meeting with them.

I have asked they do not contact me again. I have blocked them and they are busy being the assholes that they are. I mean, I should just shrug this off as ok, cool, I kicked assholes out of my life.

But I'm triggered. Fight or flight triggered. It doesn't make sense to me right now. Does it make sense to anyone else? Am I overlooking the obvious?

I feel your friends or colleagues exhibited entitlement mentality. And lack of boundaries. And you knew this. We do not exist to meet everyone needs. You do what is best and healthy for you
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top