I think I have ptsd, flashbacks, and constant dissociating

M

Michael023

Hii,
I don’t know what the trauma was. I remember having what i called “habits” when i was younger(maybe 6yrs-10yrs old) and I’m 99% sure was ocd. It kind of faded away or got less noticeable. I also had a horrible nightmare? But now I’m thinking it was a flashback, it happened maybe when i was 10 and maybe that’s when i started dissociating and maybe that’s why the ocd is less prevalent now.

Recently I’m realizing I have been dissociating because i feel like i don’t know who i am, and things don’t really affect me and i have no desire to talk to people because i don’t know who i am or what i would even want to talk about in the first place.

I’m 20 yrs old, 2 months ago i think i had my 1st or 2nd flashback, and a couple nights ago had another one. My whole body was tingly/numb and so were my face and hands. I was instantly crying and felt like Niagara Falls of emotions on top of me. It also felt like i was in a whole different dimension or world but at the same time there was a small piece of me still aware that i was still here in my bedroom.

Not exactly sure what i was feeling but i do know that i felt very real and like i found a piece of myself that’s been missing for years. And i think that piece of me contains the trauma so that’s why maybe my brain eventually learned to disconnect form that part of myself.

I didn't really see a picture or anything during the flashbacks, but there were familiar smells that seemed very very real. And I’ve noticed those smells sometimes for the past 6 months when i became more aware of my dissociation.

Is it possible something happened when i was young(before the ocd started) and have been dissociating since then because of the fear from triggers and flashbacks happening again?

I want to wait until i have a better idea of what’s happening in these flashbacks before i talk to someone.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I want to wait until i have a better idea of what’s happening in these flashbacks before i talk to someone.
Everything you're describing could be explained as Major Depressive Disorder.

I'm not saying that as a diagnosis - only to be very clear with you that "dissociation" has become a more common pop-psych concept, and with that there has been a rise of people believing they suffer from clinical depersonalization/derealization...even though what they are actually experiencing could be a number of things. OCD is another one that is often invoked, but not necessarily the best fit when all symptoms are taken into account.

If you have access to health care, I'd recommend looking into what your options are for working with a professional. The further along you get in self-diagnosis, the harder it will be to give an accurate self-assessment, which is an essential component of diagnosis. And finding a well-trained mental health clinician who specializes in your demographic, who you want to work with....takes time.
I’m 20 yrs old, 2 months ago i think i had my 1st or 2nd flashback, and a couple nights ago had another one. My whole body was tingly/numb and so were my face and hands. I was instantly crying and felt like Niagara Falls of emotions on top of me. It also felt like i was in a whole different dimension or world but at the same time there was a small piece of me still aware that i was still here in my bedroom.

Not exactly sure what i was feeling but i do know that i felt very real and like i found a piece of myself that’s been missing for years.
This is a big deal - I can imagine it was frightening, and disorienting, along with being emotionally exhausting. Nothing I'm saying is meant to undermine your experience, which was real, and matters to you, and sounds like a very strong catalyst for some deeper examination into yourself, and areas of life you struggle with.

Any number of things could be going on. It's worth taking seriously, which is why it's worth finding someone to talk with about it who has the expertise and knowledge to assess you/the event.
 
M

Michael023

Okay thank you very much! That was the best I could describe it, but I think it definitely could be something different like you are saying
 
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