Sometimes its okay not to be okay. Just for a little while. So sorry to hear you feelI'm so stupid. For a moment, just for a while there I allowed myself to think there's a way out of this. That I can do better, be better, save my income, save my place.
For a moment I felt human again.
And then there's NOW.
My job got paused for 2 months.
I lost a week to flashbacks and deep depression. Somehow thought things would fit together and I'll make it one more month.
Somehow I thought some things would come together, I'll get through the next 4 weeks paying what I should, go to my friend for a month and return just on time to start a new job I found. And things would come together. They have not. And I just learned that they will not this morning.
For the last few days I'd gotten over the worst hump in the depression part, and I thought there was hope.
For a bit it seemed like there was hope.
Hope is a scarce commodity. I used it up.
I was so stupid.
It's like I'm repeating the same month again except more tired of life. I'm seeing a friend today, because I'm afraid of the thoughts I'd have if I'm alone.
Though I'm afraid of the thoughts I'd have seeing her too. But it is still safer. Probably.
I know nothing, apparently.
this way. There are some brilliant insights from members on this forum- they will help you.
Take a day at a time.