DID I think I might have DID

SunnyWeather

Learning
Hi everyone,

I think I might have DID. Just writing that feels unreal, but something happened yesterday and I don't think I can ignore it anymore. For a long time now I have been telling myself that all of my symptoms stem from PTSD because the alternative has been something that terrifies me way too much.

Ever since I was a child I have felt disconnected from my environment and my peers. Feeling that way has been a constant in my life. My memory and understanding of time has also been of subjet to change ever since I was a child. I forget things constantly, but often when I realize that I just do not care. My attitude to my environment and the people in it can change completely in a matter of minutes and it feels completely natural even though that change is based on absolutely nothing (this always happens when I dissociate).

My body does not feel like mine either. Most of the time it is like I cannot recognize the fact that I am a grown man. Also, I constantly do things without knowing why (start conversations, make jokes, become annoyed or incredibly angry, go and hide etc). It feels like I have no idea who I am, and it has always been like that. When I was a child, I grew up in two very different environments. At school, I was appreciated and liked, while my homelife was basically hell.

I know that this forum is not for making diagnoses (that is not what I am expecting or want), but does anyone with DID relate to this? Could this be DID or am I just barking up the wrong disorder tree? I am really confused and scared. It feels like I have never questioned any of these things before because I needed them.
 
@SunnyWeather, no matter what label it is given, if it feels "unreal" or "sureal", but undeniable, "something" is going on, and therefore worth getting professional help to be properly diagnosed.

My memory was "failing" more and more in the beginning, things you mention def describe the hard dissociation I experience and I am considered co-concious, meaning my parts can kind of "hear" what is going on even though they are not all the way in front. So, it took many professionals, many otherdiagnoses, and 15 years to finally figure out and be diagnosed DID. Also, there are several Dissociative Disorders that don't fall squarely into strict DID. Depending on where you live, I hope you have a good Therapist and if in the states a psychiatrist as they would be the Dr. that would diagnose you. Be gentle with yourself through this time as it is unsettling to have things happen to you that you simply cannot explaiin. I've been there...I get it. Support while you find your way.
 
Also, there are several Dissociative Disorders that don't fall squarely into strict DID.

For a long time I thought that my dissociation stemmed from freeze responses, but now I understand that freeze responses are their own thing and that it does not work that way. There's still a lot I need to learn about, which might be the reason it makes me so anxious.

Be gentle with yourself through this time as it is unsettling to have things happen to you that you simply cannot explaiin. I've been there...I get it. Support while you find your way.

Thanks for the kind words. I really appreciate it.
 
I think I might have DID. Just writing that feels unreal, but something happened yesterday and I don't think I can ignore it anymore. For a long time now I have been telling myself that all of my symptoms stem from PTSD because the alternative has been something that terrifies me way too much.
Have you been working on your PTSD with any professionals?
 
No, I have not. I used to speak with my school counselor about things. I want to get help, but I do not know if I am ready yet. Just thinking about talking about what I have experienced freaks me out to no end. Right now I am just trying to get to a place where I do not feel that way.
 
Just thinking about talking about what I have experienced freaks me out to no end.
If you can find a trauma specialist? This doesn’t need to be on the cards anytime soon. Trauma-focused therapies more often focus on the symptoms you’re having now, and how to manage them more effectively. Talking about the reasons why you have those issues can occur whenever you’re ready.
 
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