Relationship I think I triggered my wife’s PTSD

throwaway13

Learning
I’m pretty sure I triggered my wife’s ptsd a month ago. When we first starting getting serious 7 years ago she told me she suffered a trauma when she was a young adult and was diagnosed with ptsd. She said she was better but went to years of therapy.

Fast forward to June of this year. We are having a rough patch in our marriage. I’m pretty sure it’s due to several layers of stress in our lives that’s not being handled properly. We go to marriage counseling and I’m being portrayed as a monster. Even the therapist said something to my wife about that. I figure that the time to bring up her ptsd would be in front of a trained professional like a therapist. Big mistake, wife shuts down and now there’s a wall around her.

What’s my next steps to help us heal? Give her space? She is refusing to go back to marriage counseling.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
It’s been hours and I’m still waiting for her response
ADMIN POST

The link to the screenshots of your texts has been approved, throwaway13 - but only because they are essentially comprised of your words.


We ask that posters NOT use screenshots of email or text exchanges, or type others' words verbatim - in order to respect the expectation of privacy in one-to-one communications.

Be mindful of this, going forward. Thanks.


Back to the thread.
 

throwaway13

Learning
ADMIN POST

The link to the screenshots of your texts has been approved, throwaway13 - but only because they are essentially comprised of your words.

We ask that posters NOT use screenshots of email or text exchanges, or type others' words verbatim - in order to respect the expectation of privacy in one-to-one communications.

Be mindful of this, going forward. Thanks.


Back to the thread.
Thanks for the warning, ignorance of that rule is no excuse to break it.
 

throwaway13

Learning
something to think about --- sufferer time sometimes runs differently than "normal" time, so it might be a bit before she responds while she processes it....

But I liked how you put it!
I couldn’t think of any other way to say it. I’ve been telling her for over a week that I needed time to talk to her alone. She’s been avoided it for too long so I had to at least text it to her. Might have been easier for me to say what I needed to that way with time to think of how to frame my statements. She’s been completely avoiding responding so I will give it a few days and then let her know I’m available to talk to when she’s ready.
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
Yep. You can’t make a case when they’re in a spiral. There’s no logic, there is no defending yourself.

You said what you needed to say. You’re being patient and empathetic. That’s all you can do.

It’s also OK to be frustrated and pissed off at the situation.

It’s awesome how they talk about trust, eh? Like doing *this* shit to your partner isn’t a huge violation of trust too.
 

throwaway13

Learning
Yep. You can’t make a case when they’re in a spiral. There’s no logic, there is no defending yourself.

You said what you needed to say. You’re being patient and empathetic. That’s all you can do.

It’s also OK to be frustrated and pissed off at the situation.

It’s awesome how they talk about trust, eh? Like doing *this* shit to your partner isn’t a huge violation of trust too.
Most definitely frustrated. Very pissed off. I told her she has absolutely no reason to not trust me. I’ve always been open and honest through our entire relationship. Right now she has a one track mind and it’s leading to self destruction and it’s devastating to watch. I don’t understand how she thinks that I’ve always been controlling her. I respected her because she was a very strong, independent woman.
 
Last edited:

Sweetpea76

Moderator
That’s hard to say. I’d prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Trust me, I know it sucks. The uncertainty is worse than the blame sometimes.

There have been many a time where I’ve wondered if I was single now or not. Eventually I got kinda zen with it. I know how long I’m willing to tolerate the bullshit, and so far he hasn’t gone that long yet. I made the decision and took it out of his hands. That’s one thing I can control. My boundary is that I cannot be in a relationship by myself. If he bails or leaves, he has a month, and then I’ll grieve the relationship and move on with my life. That’s me personally though, and my situation. Mine isolates and f*cks off at times. I can respect that need, but I can’t do more than a week or two. Might as well be single.
 

throwaway13

Learning
That’s hard to say. I’d prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Trust me, I know it sucks. The uncertainty is worse than the blame sometimes.

There have been many a time where I’ve wondered if I was single now or not. Eventually I got kinda zen with it. I know how long I’m willing to tolerate the bullshit, and so far he hasn’t gone that long yet. I made the decision and took it out of his hands. That’s one thing I can control. My boundary is that I cannot be in a relationship by myself. If he bails or leaves, he has a month, and then I’ll grieve the relationship and move on with my life. That’s me personally though, and my situation. Mine isolates and f*cks off at times. I can respect that need, but I can’t do more than a week or two. Might as well be single.
This is the first triggered event I’m going through, I’d say been a little over a month now since she’s been symptomatic.
 
Top