Sexual Assault I think I was sexually abused when I was younger but I cannot remember

Confused_

New Here
I have always been extremely socially anxious. When I was 4 I remember throwing a giant tantrum to leave preschool. Something scared me, I remember that much. I do strongly believe something happened to me. Because from that point forward I “knew” what sex was.
I’m almost 22 and still very scared in public, and terrified of sex, and have used masturbation as a form of self harm for years.
I don’t know what to do
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
i'm sorry things are hard.

Unfortunately, no one can decide whether you have or haven't been sexually abused.

Speaking as someone who blocked out sexual abuse for a very long time, it is possible to have been sexually abused and to have no conscious memory of it, until that memory comes out through dreams or flashbacks or whatever other piece meal way it decides to show itself.

When you say you don't know what to do, is that in relation to anything specific?
 

Confused_

New Here
i'm sorry things are hard.

Unfortunately, no one can decide whether you have or haven't been sexually abused.

Speaking as someone who blocked out sexual abuse for a very long time, it is possible to have been sexually abused and to have no conscious memory of it, until that memory comes out through dreams or flashbacks or whatever other piece meal way it decides to show itself.

When you say you don't know what to do, is that in relation to anything specific?
I don’t know how to get over these feelings. I always felt something isn’t quite right, I don’t know how to deal with this feeling endlessly

It’s got so much worse recently
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Charbella

Confident
@Movingforward10 is right, no one can tell you whether or not you’ve been abused.

I have two people that I have flashes of something happening and to me it feels like I may have been molested by them but I don’t think I’ll ever know. Unfortunately I also have 5 that I definitely know.

My suggestion would be to find a therapist who can either help you figure out what may have happened or can help you sort through why that experience is triggering you.
 

Sideways

Moderator
Welcome to the forum.
I’m almost 22 and still very scared in public, and terrified of sex, and have used masturbation as a form of self harm for years.
Irrespective of what you may have experienced as a child (remembering isn't always something that happens), life doesn't need to be this shit, or this difficult. Reach out for some professional help, because these are things that can be resolved for you. It won't necessarily be easy, but it will be worth it. With a bit of help, you can get to the point where you enjoy your life as much as the next person:)
 

caroline_13

Confident
I don’t know how to get over these feelings. I always felt something isn’t quite right, I don’t know how to deal with this feeling endlessly

It’s got so much worse recently
I echo Charbella's recommendation.

I have also worked with energy healers to release trapped emotions (some therapists can do this); it works, and this practice is becoming more legitimately recognized.

She has identified for me anxieties and other negative emotions that happened at a prenatal stage that I absorbed from others, or even early in my life that I may or may not have absorbed (vs. personally experienced) that my conscious mind has not registered. One of the benefits of this is, having been in regular therapy for over 20 years, I'm sick of talking about stuff just to have it retraumatize/upset me; so now, I can just release it (esp. with things that I cannot even remember or have blocked.) I have long suspected that my conscious mind blocked certain memories that I would have formed (i.e., my mind was at an age where I was registering memories).

However, to start, I would get a therapist and you can discuss with your T what strategies they offer (or who they can refer you to).

If you happen to be broke (I've been there), I believe journaling, meditation, affirmations, and intentions can assist us as we release things that we no longer need. Sometimes you need to hold onto it a bit longer, for example, if your desire to understand it is more important right now than releasing it.

You will get there.
 
Top