Sexual Assault I think I was taken advantage of and I’m struggling to deal with it

Lilyt24

New Here
This is so unlike me to post something like this but I’m struggling.

I went to the pub with mates. We was all having a lot to drink and celebrating England winning.

My female friend left at about 8 and I was left with a few lads from work, but we had started talking to another group of lads because we was messing around and trying to set my friend up with one of them.

Anyway from there everything went black and I ‘woke up’ no where near where I was originally and I rang my friend at 130 in the morning to come and get me. She said I was not in a good place and that I wasn’t with it at all.

She took me home and I went to sleep, I woke up at 7 in the morning confused and in pain, I rang my boyfriend to come home ASAP because I felt like something bad had happened.

I was mad at him a little because we was meant to get a taxi home and when I looked at my call logs I had been trying to ring him loads through out the night but he had passed out at his friend and left me alone.

I felt vile so I went for a shower and I was covered in scratches and bruises some in some off places (although some of these may be from falling over drunk)

I was sat all day racking my brain as to what happened and I started piecing things together, I remember being in a field and I remember being very panicked. I started having a panic attack because I knew something had gone on because you know your own body I just didn’t know exactly what went on.

Luckily I had followed one of the boys I was sat with on Instagram so I messaged him and asked him if he knew how I got home he said me him and his mate let’s call him Jack we’re left sat outside the pub until about 1 in the morning, he booked a taxi and then so did I, his came before mine and that his mate Jack insisted he would wait with me for my taxi and so he left.

I asked him had there been any flirting or anything with his friend Jack and he said no there was nothing he had noticed we had all just been having a chat like you do when you’ve had a drink. I asked this because at this point I’m now second guessing myself had I lead him on maybe? was I mad with my boyfriend so I lashed out ? It was really unlike me to be like that but after to much to drink maybe I acted stupidly, but then he confirmed there was no flirting so it made me stop questioning myself as much.

Although this conversation helped me stop second guessing myself a little it didn’t really answer, why I felt this way and how I ended up in a field, alone, confused and upset at 130 in the morning.

I did check my call log and I had rang a taxi so I was obviously planning on taking myself off home, but why didn’t I?

I messaged Jack and asked him, he said he decided to take me to a field to have a ‘chat’ (WHY??) and we had a little kiss ‘he didn’t know I had a boyfriend’ but i defo remember mentioning my boyfriend earlier in the night. So this answers why I remember being in a field but why? why did he decide to take me to a field when I had ordered a taxi? He also said his memory was hazy but knew where we went and that we had ‘kissed’ (I feel like more happened but I don’t know what)

So then I asked him why I ended up in afield as I checked my phone location so knew the area I was near and I said to him I didn’t remember anything and that I didn’t get why I was far away from the pub and why was I alone and he never replied to my message.

His first response and him then not responding when I started asking more in depth questions is seriously making me worry and think that he saw how drunk I was and decided to take advantage of this.

I know people may think it’s my own fault for getting so drunk but I did check my bank account and I didn’t spend that much and my friend said I seemed really spaced out so maybe something was added to a drink that was bought for me? As I do go out a lot and I can drink a fair bit so for me to get that spaced and blacked out is rare. Was it pre planned by him? Idk and tbh I don’t want to think it was because it makes it all seem a lot worse.

I really don’t want to point fingers and act like a victim because like I said I don’t remember a lot towards the back end of the night but something is not sitting right with me and with how shady he is acting.

I have explained everything to my boyfriend and apologised and we are moving passed it so this is not me trying to ‘get out of cheating’ It’s just still not settling in my head, I’m struggling to sleep and I’m on edge all the time, feeling constantly anxious and stressed out.

I know I’m never going to get the full answers as to what happened but I was wondering if anything like this had happened to anyone else and if so how did you get passed it? I’m really struggling with it and I need any help or advice I can get as I really don’t want to tell my family.
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Lilyt24 . Welcome to the site. Not very happy to read why, but happy you found it.

Are you already in therapy or diagnosed with PTSD? Or is this the first time you’re dealing with something like this?

Objectively, I think the situation doesn’t look good. But that also it isn’t your fault if something happened and that EVEN if you did hit on the guy drunk, bringing folks to a field to make it out doesn’t seem normal at all.

Your boyfriend doesn’t sound very supportive and I find it worrying you can’t open up without worrying he might believe you wanted to cheat on him. We’re talking about, I don’t mean to trigger you but here it is, potential sexual assault or rape. That it’s "cheating" or not clearly is not the main thing here! It’s worrying enough for you to have been taken to an open field and potentially drugged for you to have to deal with whether or not it was "cheating"! If you were blacked out to the point of passing out, that’s just outside of your consent, period.

Since how long has this happened? You don’t have to tell your family or boyfriend anything. You don’t owe them anything. If I were you I’d go to a family planning and try to see if I can find some kind of counselor, medical advisor or anything with folks specialized in sexual health as they are more aware of what to do and how to deal with sexual assault. Eventually, you can get in touch with different support lines, I don’t remember the phone numbers but there are a few out there. Something similar did happen to me and I wished someone could have informed me of what to do, medically, legally and psychologically, instead of dying of anxiety and not knowing what to do.

Charities, helplines and emergency lines might not be the ones that will directly help you, but they certainly can give you a clearer vision of what your options are and name things for what they are. Having a voice to speak with freely really helps.

Hoping you’re doing okay and not too much in a bad place. It’s all understandable to be freaked out.
 

Lilyt24

New Here
Hi,

No I have never been diagnosed with anything and I’m not in therapy or anything and this is my first time on a forum and people replying to others on here seemed to be really helpful.

My boyfriend has been as supportive as he can be but I don’t feel like this is something I can open up to him properly about as it’s going to be hard for him to hear and I think I would struggle telling him.

i think I might have a look for a counsellor of some sort to try and help me get things off my chest properly as I am struggling to sleep and to think it’s constantly on my mind and I am not doing great I feel spaced out a lot of the time. It’s happened last Tuesday so a week ago and I’ve been like this since. I was hoping I would start feeling better by now but if anything I feel worse.
Thank you for your concern I really appreciate you advice and Im also sorry you have gone through something similar.
 

Chris-duck

MyPTSD Pro
Hey, welcome.

I assume you're in the UK? (From celebrating England winning) disregard if not :) but sarc (sexual assault referral centres) and rape crisis both offer immediate (within a couple days usually) appointments for any potential sexual assaults that have happened in the past 21 days. I'm pretty sure sexual health clinics offer the same idea, worth getting checked out, even if just for your own peace of mind.

I'm really sorry this happened, just take it easy and get some support and things around you.

Take care yeh.
 

Lilyt24

New Here
Hey, welcome.

I assume you're in the UK? (From celebrating England winning) disregard if not :) but sarc (sexual assault referral centres) and rape crisis both offer immediate (within a couple days usually) appointments for any potential sexual assaults that have happened in the past 21 days. I'm pretty sure sexual health clinics offer the same idea, worth getting checked out, even if just for your own peace of mind.

I'm really sorry this happened, just take it easy and get some support and things around you.

Take care yeh.
Hi,

yes you are correct I am in England, thank you for this information it’s really helpful, how would I find the ‘sarc’ places would it be online? Thank you again
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
It’s all okay.

If it’s your first time with this, I’d really recommend you to intervene rather fast in the sleep/anxiety problem and to get in touch with lines of first responders that know sexual assault, as @Chris-duck mentioned.

What is very determining in the severity of eventual PTSD or anxiety disorders following trauma is support and also, not being too agitated just afterwards. Like, sleeping well is quite important. In this sense getting in touch with emergency appointments and immediate counseling with eventual short-term medicated intervention really can change a lot for what comes afterwards.

I’m happy to read that your boyfriend is supportive to you. It’s of course okay if you don’t want to share everything. No one needs to go into details they don’t want to.

Good luck and keep us posted!
 

Lilyt24

New Here
It’s all okay.

If it’s your first time with this, I’d really recommend you to intervene rather fast in the sleep/anxiety problem and to get in touch with lines of first responders that know sexual assault, as @Chris-duck mentioned.

What is very determining in the severity of eventual PTSD or anxiety disorders following trauma is support and also, not being too agitated just afterwards. Like, sleeping well is quite important. In this sense getting in touch with emergency appointments and immediate counseling with eventual short-term medicated intervention really can change a lot for what comes afterwards.

I’m happy to read that your boyfriend is supportive to you. It’s of course okay if you don’t want to share everything. No one needs to go into details they don’t want to.

Good luck and keep us posted!
Thank you really appreciate your help!
 

Lilyt24

New Here
Thank you I will have a read of it. Really appreciate it
@Lilyt24 here's a link for you that explains, it tells you how they can help n has a thing where you can type in your postcode to find your nearest services for both rape crisis and sarc. You can call 111 to find out too if you would prefer, but um, if you're owt like me then checking online is way less stress inducing

hi,

yes online is much better for me as I feel uncomfortable talking about it.
Thank you for your help I will have a look at the link now
 
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