I think I'm leaing for now but need external opinions

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
With moving alone came way too much changes. I'm happy I left my group home, it was the right decision. But I'm still very undecisive about making decision regardless the topic. So I would like to know what other people think about my situation and view the fact I think it's better for me to leave the forum for the moment

I came here like 2 months ago, mostly posted on my own diary but at first reading everthing. When I felt too bad to read to other posts I felt like I was missing my "duties". but it's not the point, I didn't came to stock every single information in my brain. I'm not in a trauma contest (which is always unhealty). It's suffer peer support. But I still can't relate to my own words, my own reality.

Feat of judgment always was hard on me. And I can't accept the reality of my suffering. I never could. I still can't.

writing it down here or elsewhere is painful to me. my suffering shouldn't exist because I don't deserve the sympathy that comes with it. People would sympatise with sufferer so there is no way I'm suffering. Sympathy can't come to me because I'm too guilty to deserve it. Also I'm too guilty to be autorized to be happy, I don't deserve it neither.

Well that out of the point, I'm talking about things I shouldn't because it's not the point of this post.

So yeah pain is actually here, both from my traumas and this constant accusations I tell myself all the time. I can't feel I have to right to be there because in MY WORLD I'm a happy carless teenager girl who only is lazy and too busy enjoying small things of life to actually suffer. Evil is so rare it barely exist.

I'll keep therapy, help to live alone, friend to support me, doign my best managing symptoms, trying to make myself a life.

I just wondering the point of trying to work on my problems here.

I don't feel like I'm more prepared to deal with my past that I was at 7 years old.

I'll answer all questions you would have to better understand my situation but I really need outside point of view about all of this please
 

Dergrosse

Confident
I just wondering the point of trying to work on my problems here.
Hey Givrali, I've struggled with hanging around this site. May I suggest the idea that you're not using the site in the best way for you.

Some people find great benefit in the diaries, others don't. If you look at my diary you'll see almost all of the posts are in 2016 around the time I first joined and I believe 3 other posts in total. I gave it a shot and didn't really like it.

I've found the forum much more useful when trying to learn from others. A common theme here is to ask, do you have a T? In response to almost any type of question. With a qualified T is where the work really happens.

What if you changed the way you use the forums for a week or 2 and reevaluated? Instead of hoping to find ways of working out all of your thoughts, notice how people have changed, what types of therapy worked for them, or anything else that is relevant to your life.

Have you checked out the photography, joking, you may have ptsd if, and other more lighthearted threads? Maybe you have a passion about another topic and want to start a thread where you can share it.

I'm not trying to convince you to stay, I left for a while myself and have come back. Remember, whatever you decide (as long as people continue to financially support) this forum will be here, and there are others on here that have likely gone through similar feelings and situations that can not only encourage you on your journey, but can let you know that it can get better.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
it happens to me quite often that i feel like i am spinning my wheels on therapy and could make better use of my time than psychobabbling with visible progress. that thought has bitten me in the hindquarters more than once. the midst of a psychotic episode is never the ideal time to start putting together my support network. it is far more effective to have that safety net there and ready to catch me when i fall.

i more often think of broadening my support network instead of making it smaller. it pays to diversify. i often take breaks from different nodes in my peer support network, but there is no need for grand announcements or decisions. i go where they healing mysteries call me.
 

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
With a qualified T is where the work really happens.
it's hard to say if the current one is the kind I need at the moment. What I know is I never tried to adress my emotions unless they make me unable to do things, she is specialized on dealing with emotions so it's worth a try

my current homework is to let my sadness exprims itself but I'm still working on feeling secure enough to let it express iself
 

Givrali

MyPTSD Pro
i more often think of broadening my support network instead of making it smaller. it pays to diversify. i often take breaks from different nodes in my peer support network, but there is no need for grand announcements or decisions. i go where they healing mysteries call me.
seems like diary isn't that effective on me (i'm more interested on how many like I got that read my previous post because past is too painful to me, even one day old past). So I guess rethinking my diary or abandon it could be an option.

for the other parts of the forum
-other's people diary are "too messy" for me and I want either read none or read them all so got completely lost very fast
-post about traumas can be stressful because I can relate or I can't relate
-lighter post won't be very useful because the langage barrier will hold me back, my favorite discord server is doing that way better actually (well it's not about PTSD so speaking about it always feel out of the place to me)

there are too many people here to read everthing and I can't pick up few people to check their progress because "what if the ones I didn't choose actually could have helped me ???"

i started few post here but english is still a language I learnt for pleasure or grades not something I actually master. I'm austic in addition which means even if I translate right this won't make sure people understand why I'm posting, also my brain WILL escape my try to talk about trauma in a plage that matters

aslo in that mood I'm not able to see good on anything so I'll have to read all of the post in full when I can counter more effectively my brain
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
a rule i have greatly benefitted from on my recovery road is, "take what you like and leave the rest."

i don't need to analyze or justify my loss of interest in a particular post, member or group, nor do i need to serve the other members divorce papers. the commitment is to my own healing and nothing more. when i feel a need to change, i experiment with other groups and formats while leaving my current network undisturbed. i never can tell if or when i'll want to come back and it isn't necessary to leave any hard feelings behind me. my favorite thing about the worldwide peer support network is the free and easy nature with which i am free to come and go, respond or not respond, etc. i take what i like and leave the rest.

aslo in that mood I'm not able to see good on anything so I'll have to read all of the post in full when I can counter more effectively my brain

i believe this is a fully valid approach and also an important part of my daily maintenance. i often don't realize i am in such a mood until i try to respond to a post and it comes out in negative tones. it cues me to ply therapy tools here.

for what it's worth
i find the journal app here to be a bit rigid for my taste. i keep my journal elsewhere. it really does pay to diversify.
 

Weemie

MyPTSD Pro
I wouldn't overthink it too much. Participate where you like and pass on interactions that don't benefit you in the moment. I went several years between periods of activity here because my PTSD wasn't as intrusive or I was busy with employment or I was simply engaged elsewhere. It's been helpful to be back so I'm back. When it's no longer helpful I'll probably leave again. Just my two cents.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
i don't need to analyze or justify my loss of interest in a particular post, member or group, nor do i need to serve the other members divorce papers. the commitment is to my own healing and nothing more.
Yes, to all this. I couldn't agree more. Also, '[no] need to serve the other members divorce papers' is now entering my personal lexicon. I needed that laugh, thank you - it's funny because it's true.
 

caroline_13

Confident
With moving alone came way too much changes. I'm happy I left my group home, it was the right decision. But I'm still very undecisive about making decision regardless the topic. So I would like to know what other people think about my situation and view the fact I think it's better for me to leave the forum for the moment

I came here like 2 months ago, mostly posted on my own diary but at first reading everthing. When I felt too bad to read to other posts I felt like I was missing my "duties". but it's not the point, I didn't came to stock every single information in my brain. I'm not in a trauma contest (which is always unhealty). It's suffer peer support. But I still can't relate to my own words, my own reality.

Feat of judgment always was hard on me. And I can't accept the reality of my suffering. I never could. I still can't.

writing it down here or elsewhere is painful to me. my suffering shouldn't exist because I don't deserve the sympathy that comes with it. People would sympatise with sufferer so there is no way I'm suffering. Sympathy can't come to me because I'm too guilty to deserve it. Also I'm too guilty to be autorized to be happy, I don't deserve it neither.

Well that out of the point, I'm talking about things I shouldn't because it's not the point of this post.

So yeah pain is actually here, both from my traumas and this constant accusations I tell myself all the time. I can't feel I have to right to be there because in MY WORLD I'm a happy carless teenager girl who only is lazy and too busy enjoying small things of life to actually suffer. Evil is so rare it barely exist.

I'll keep therapy, help to live alone, friend to support me, doign my best managing symptoms, trying to make myself a life.

I just wondering the point of trying to work on my problems here.

I don't feel like I'm more prepared to deal with my past that I was at 7 years old.

I'll answer all questions you would have to better understand my situation but I really need outside point of view about all of this please
I can somewhat relate.

I rarely post revealing things here because I worry about judgment and estrangement.

Lately, I can't get through others' long posts, either. I don't have to absorb everyone else's diaries, though. I can just pop in and post little things.

Use the forum the way it works for you.
 
Top