I think the end of the road with my great therapist is near. I am so disappointed … she’s changed

The_One

Learning
So I understand my therapists focus is EMDR and I know she loves EMDR. I agreed to do that and work up to it, so we did a couple sessions about like 9-10 of them, just talking therapy, resourcing . Etc. I did the EMDR and it was too much for me, so much so I had SI thoughts. She’s trained in SI and everything suicide related so she didn’t commit me lol. And I didn’t have a plan.

But now that I told her EMDR is off the table and I don’t think I can do EMDR she has kinda changed and I don’t get the point of sessions anymore.

I think her specialty is EMDR, and the things that revolve around it, guided meditation, imagery, resourcing, finding tools for EMDR during sessions we don’t do EMDR. That sort of thing.

I realized the last two sessions we have been together after I told her I’m not looking for EMDR anymore. It could’ve literally killed me. She seems disinterested, her eyes dart everywhere, she seems really tired. I don’t think I’m overthinking but I notice peoples little micro behaviors and I know for a fact either last night she was not feeling good or she’s really over sessions.

Last nights session she seemed really drained right off the bat. She looked really tired coming into therapy, she looked very disinterested. She told me she suffers from PMDD, it’s really bad. So I’m thinking she was on her period and was feeling so shitty. I wanted to ask her but didn’t. I started talking about what happened this week. We did a little bit of talk therapy. And then she switched and changed the subject and asked about finances (how I’m gonna pay for next weeks session) whar my pcps info is. And then she gave me an option either we do guided imagery meditation because I was feeling really really anxious about this subject. Or continue talk therapy on this subject and processing. She was really nice about it all, so it’s not like she was like UM ANYWAYS SO.

And I felt bad like maybe she wasn’t into the talk therapy she didn’t wanna do it. So I chose guided meditation. We did it and we talked afterwards about what came up, and when I opened my eyes, it’s like a new person came out of nowhere and she was back to her normal self.

We talked about religion bc that came out of guided imagery something we never talked about and she said she learned something new about me.

I don’t know… i really like her and I still do. But I’m getting this little feeling that ever since I said I don’t want to do EMDR she has kind of checked out a little of our sessions. It’s clear to me she is really really into EMDR and everything associated with it so much so that talk therapy is not really important to her.

I’m not into EMDR, I don’t know if I ever will be. I’m starting to think we might not be a match anymore even tho she’s truly the best I’ve ever had. She’s like my third therapist and I really don’t want to switch but I don’t want to pay for sessions like this one where we only do guided imagery which I can do by myself or resourcing . It sounds like she doesn’t want to get to know me like she previously did. And I don’t want to do EMDR especially since I was kinda rushed into it.

I don’t know what to do, but maybe I do need to find a new therapist. I’m a little disappointed.
 

scout86

MyPTSD Pro
Rather than trying to read her mind, you should probably ask her. Everyone has off days. Most of the time, that's all it is, an off day. People, even therapists, have stuff going on in their lives besides their clients so having an off day usually has nothing to do with the client. (Even though some of us clients tend to blame ourselves for everything and anything.)

In your position, I guess I'd want to know what her thoughts are on why EMDR went the way it did and if she thinks it might be useful at some point in the future. If she thinks it might, how do we get there? And is she willing to keep working on things EMDR or not. But SHE has her own thoughts and opinions. And she's actually the expert here. So you should probably have the conversation and hear what she has to say. It can be a lot more useful that running both sides of the conversation in your head and assuming you know her half.
 

Weemie

MyPTSD Pro
I don’t know what to do, but maybe I do need to find a new therapist. I’m a little disappointed.
You may need to. I'd bring it up with her first and see if there isn't any way to move beyond it. But sometimes therapists just can't meet you where you are and that's OK.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
i'll cast another vote for asking her directly rather than hazarding guesses.

i hope you can get past your disappointment if you need to find a new therapist. your work with her is far from a loss. it just pays to diversify. there is far more than one way to conduct therapy and familiarizing oneself with other approaches can be beneficial for all.

just opining. . .

steadying support while you form your own opinions.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I am forever mind reading my T. What I have learnt from that is I am usually very wrong!
Yes, we pick up ques that there is something going on with the T. But the meaning we make of it is usually way off the mark. .

For example, my T was hesitating a few times in a conversation. My mind reading was that she felt I was dangerous which was the reason she was hesitating. I brought it up with her as I was upset. Turns out the reason she was hesitating (the que I picked up) was because she was acutely aware the topic was sensitive for me and she wanted to respond appropriately.

So, ask.
Mind reading causes all sorts of additional problems that you don't need and actually don't exist.
 

Friday

Moderator
Transitions can be rough.

Whether it’s equine therapy, art therapy, EMDR, etc.? Realizing that you need/want more than this particular person’s skill set & expertise? Can be difficult.

Especially if you come from any kind of abuse background, or certain other kinds of trauma histories, where the “only” justifiable reason to leave someone is for “cause”… and even then? Leaving is an iffy decision, at best, and may never happen… or may take years and years (and thousands of events, any one of them meriting cause), for it to even be seriously considered.

Leaving someone amaaaaazing, meanwhile? Is just sort of brain-breaking.

Eventually it becomes normal to ONLY be leaving amazing people, both because amazing people are the only people in your life… and your standards have risen to the point that you don’t stick with someone just because they haven’t abused you. As well as to the point that the people you leave? Are STILL resources at your disposal! (because you didn’t leave for cause, which would make going back stupid). Because you’re not leaving because they’re a bad therapist, but because you’re in need of a therapist with a different specialty. If, at a later time, you decide to seek out EMDR? You already have this amazing person in mind, that you’ve worked with before, and have already established trust & rapport with!
 
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The_One

Learning
Transitions can be rough.

Whether it’s equine therapy, art therapy, EMDR, etc.? Realizing that you need/want more than this particular person’s skill set & expertise? Can be difficult.

Especially if you come from any kind of abuse background, or certain other kinds of trauma histories, where the “only” justifiable reason to leave someone is for “cause”… and even then? Leaving is an iffy decision, at best, and may never happen… or may take years and years (and thousands of events, any one of them meriting cause), for it to even be seriously considered.

Leaving someone amaaaaazing, meanwhile? Is just sort of brain-breaking.

Eventually it becomes normal to ONLY be leaving amazing people, both because amazing people are the only people in your life… and your standards have risen to the point that you don’t stick with someone just because they haven’t abused you. As well as to the point that the people you leave? Are STILL resources at your disposal! (because you didn’t leave for cause, which would make going back stupid). Because you’re not leaving because they’re a bad therapist, but because you’re in need of a therapist with a different specialty. If, at a later time, you decide to seek out EMDR? You already have this amazing person in mind, that you’ve worked with before, and have already established trust & rapport with!
No… you know what. What happened last week was actually pretty bad. Like I didn’t like how she just switched from my talk therapy to talking about finances and then she asked me do I want to continue talking , or do some guided meditation?
I didn’t like the way she entered into the session. She looked really bored lazy and tired. I understand she has PMDD. But..
I feel like if she really cannot do talk therapy sessions which it seems like she really cannot stand it. Then we need to stop seeing each other. I don’t want to do EMDR anymore. Like ever.
I am spending 120 every 2 weeks , and i don’t want to do guided meditations especially since I can do that on my phone.
If she’s not comfortable doing talk therapy she should really just tell me.
 

The_One

Learning
So if anyone’s been following my posts she mainly specializes in EMDR and I tried EMDR with her but I felt so bad after wards that I told her I don’t want to do EMDR anymore. And she’s changed a little. We decided to just do talk therapy for now.
Last week I was starting my session talking about dating and she looked really tired, bored and worn out. And her eyes kept darting all over the screen and looking up not really looking at me.
She has never really done that before and she told me she had PMDD so I really thought that’s what’s going on. After me talking for 15 mins and her not really being interested in me she switched the subject to talk about finances (about the sessions) and then asked me do I want to try guided meditation or more talk therapy. I decided to do guided meditation because she seemed bored.
So we did that. I woke up from it , she seemed back to normal.
I don’t like this.

I want more talk therapy, I don’t think she can do this for me.
I’m not good at confrontation which is what this sounds like and it’s not. It’s me explaining what I want from therapy and how I don’t feel like she’s meeting those expectations and she’s doing something she really doesn’t wanna do.
So I’m gonna tell her … that if she really cannot handle talk therapy maybe we shouldn’t be doing any more sessions.

Because quite frankly I can pay for guided meditation through my apps on my phone. I’m paying 120 every 2 weeks and I don’t think I should be paying that if we’re gonna be doing guided meditation and resourcing the whole time.

Idk I just needed a space to vent. I’m just tired . She’s my third therapist I thought she’d be the one because she was amazing working up to EMDR and even during and when I felt really bad and had SI thoughts after EMDR she helped me through it.
But now that I don’t wanna do it she’s acting a little bit strange.

I don’t even know if therapy is for me. I don’t know why I keep getting so many crappy ones and the good ones are really expensive. I can’t afford the 200-300 per session ones.

I’m just so annoyed and a little bit sad.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
Yeah, I have to consider leaving my very long term therapist, but I’ve been considering it for a year maybe two. I want to keep doing therapy. I might go to every other week maybe idk. I don’t want to keep doing what we’re doing, but I can’t let go of the intimacy I have with her. I can’t even imagine trying to rebuild that level of trust and I suppose I’m afraid I’ll never experience it again. But who knows. It’s complicated.
 
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