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Childhood I thought I sexually abused my brother

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Please help

I'm going crazy.

Guys, I couldn't take it anymore and I tried to make amends by telling my father.... I just posted before talking about my guilt and everything in detail. I broke down by my father and he tells me it's not true?? I told him how could he have known, why did I suddenly remember all of this in so much detail??? What the hell/!!! He said he was molested by his own aunt and there was a small age gap between them... It was like 10 years and she had to take care of him after school.

When I was young my dad used to drink a lot.. He said he must have said everything while he was drunk. I don't remember him abusing me when he was drunk, I used to throw out all his drink to make him stop.. Whatever I thought I had a flashback of was what happened to him.

I can't believe this. I don't know what to think of this. He said my brother didn't live with us then because my brother stayed with his mother for a few years when they were separated ,bjt why is it so detailed? My father said he would've known because my (ex) step mother never left my siblings and I alone. I admit I remembered something and it disturbed me so I googled it... But I don't know if I filled in the memories with what I read. My sister (2 years younger) and I are the only girls in our family and I have an older brother, there's a 8 year gap...they're my full siblings and my younger brother is only my half sibling but I see him as a full blood sibling. I know my big bro wouldn't have done anything to me..

I can't believe it. I don't know what to do wirh this information. I thought he was lying about my brother not living with us.... He wasn't lying l, I spoken to my brothers mother( she was my step mom, long story) and she said she and my brother didn't stay with us when I was that age because they separated. Did I take my father's memories and change it to my own?? I just remembered something small, so I tried to fill in as much as I could. Why did my memories feel like I did it? Is there something wrong with me? Please help? I told him about my hypersexuality and he said he was shocked, it was his fault for not protecting me.

What do I do? Everything feels so real... I thought these memories were mine. It affected me so badly and I told my bf too... Do I tell my bf the truth? That I made it up? I'm relieved that I didn't do anything to my brother... I hope he's doing okay still. Im glad I didn't tell him, what if he got tormented by what I told him?. Do I get a therapist?? I'm scared they're gonna think I'm delusional for making this up
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One of the issues with going looking for answers in our memories is our brain is a naturally problem solver. If we ask it "what happened?" and it doesn't have the answer, it will give us its best guess, wrapped up and presented as reality.

Ordinarily, this is a fantastic skill. Because it lets us function in a world where there's actually lots of stuff that we don't know, or can't remember. Our brain uses all the things that it does know, adds in things that it's learned about, and voila! We continue on seamlessly.

Most of our memories are incomplete and somewhat inaccurate, which would make things really confusing if our brain didn't help us fill the blanks.

One of the problems with that? Is those memories that the brain has had to patch up don't have a Disclaimer attached, warning us about what's really accurate, what's less accurate, and what's completely assumed and not necessarily at all true.

This is all very normal. It's not about being delusional. Quite the opposite - it's our brain doing what a healthy brain is supposed to do.

So from here? You made a mistake. And the outcome is actually really good. You didn't molest anyone, and your brain is functioning as it should:)
in my own amnesia therapy, i was schooled that false memories/self-gaslighting are not the same thing as making things up. the line between delusion and false memories is a bit fuzzier, but fuzzies are to be expected with the traumatized brain.

my memory remains quite damaged and my trauma happened in a travelling freak show. i have no way of either confirming nor negating my memories. the distinction which keeps me moving forward on my healing journey is that even healthy memories are typically not all that reliable and at the end of the day. all any of us can do is our honest best with what we have to work with.

i have no opinion on whether you should seek professional therapy, but i do opine that this is a good time to work on self-forgiveness. oopsies happen.
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