I thought talking was supposed to help

jch

Learning
I felt really good after I posted on here. Then I went to bed. I didn't get much sleep. I've been extra shaky, and fight back tears all day at work. By the time I got home my hands and jaw are killing me. I've basically had to white knuckle threw work. I didn't go into anything specific on here, but I guess that doesn't matter. My head has been bringing up horrible things from my past. I can't stop it. There is usually only a couple things that help when I get this bad, but the weed isn't making it stop like it usually does. I'm exhausted, and my heart won't stop racing. Had I known this would happen I would have kept silent.
 

Freida

Sponsor
Talking does help - eventually. But ya, it's a bit of a beotch along the way.

What you are feeling is normal because you are opening up memories of horrible things from the past and that's going to be painful. But it does get better. Truly.

One of the best analogies I ever got was from hubby who said...

Think of it this way. A long time ago someone stabbed you in the head and it left a gaping wound. You had no choice but to just stick a bandaid on it and try to let it heal, because you weren't in a place where taking care of it was an option.

Now you are safe and it's ok to take off the bandaid and look at the injury. The problem is that its been so long that the wound is all infected and gross, so you will have to have a specialist help you dig out all the gunk that is in there that's keeping it from healing.

It's going to take a while, just like recovering from any other major injury. But once you are done, and it's all healed, it won't hurt anymore. Sure, you might have a scar, but the wound will be closed and the pain will be gone.

🫂 🫂
 

jch

Learning
Talking does help - eventually. But ya, it's a bit of a beotch along the way.

What you are feeling is normal because you are opening up memories of horrible things from the past and that's going to be painful. But it does get better. Truly.

One of the best analogies I ever got was from hubby who said...

Think of it this way. A long time ago someone stabbed you in the head and it left a gaping wound. You had no choice but to just stick a bandaid on it and try to let it heal, because you weren't in a place where taking care of it was an option.

Now you are safe and it's ok to take off the bandaid and look at the injury. The problem is that its been so long that the wound is all infected and gross, so you will have to have a specialist help you dig out all the gunk that is in there that's keeping it from healing.

It's going to take a while, just like recovering from any other major injury. But once you are done, and it's all healed, it won't hurt anymore. Sure, you might have a scar, but the wound will be closed and the pain will be gone.

🫂 🫂
Things are just getting so hard
 

Freida

Sponsor
Yep - they will be for a while

ptsd recovery means we have to throw that door open and learn a whole new set of skills for how to deal with what's behind it because the skills we have helped us to survive, but they can't help us to recover. And that's a big difference

So we are like little kids trying to find our words -- we have to learn how to express how we feel and figure out how to deal with the present without the past overwhelming us.

It can be a pretty tough process - which is why places like this are so valuable. This is where you will find people who know exactly how you feel and what you are struggling with. Can they make it easier for you? Nope. It's your journey to walk. But we can walk along with you so you don't feel so alone

Believe it or not - you've already done the hardest part. You've made the decision to do what you need to do so that you can heal. Now it's all about the process of getting from point a to point b.
 

jch

Learning
I'm going to be real honest here. I'm kind of struggling to kind a reason to keep going. How is this some I can keep living with? I've been like this since I was around 7. I'm 39 now. People keep telling things get better. Yeah I am safe now. It doesn't stop my hands from shaking, or any of the numerous things that I can't stop from torturing me day and night. Plus hiding it all because of the enormous amount of shame I feel about everything under the sun. Thanks for listening.
 

Freida

Sponsor
I'm kind of struggling to kind a reason to keep going.

you keep going because the alternative lets them win.
And that's not ok.
They don't deserve to win.

Or at least, that's what I've come to think....

So why start the work of recovering?
Why not?
something my ptsd guru told me a long time ago....

You are already suffering but you aren't ready to pull the trigger. So why not suffer productively?

ya, man was good with the whole sympathy thing ☺️

But he was right.
Will doing the work make you feel worse? yepper
Will it be worth it?

Well, if you can look back to this day a couple years from now and the nightmares are gone, your hands aren't shaking, you feel less ashamed of who you are and you can actually see a future that doesn't include constant reminders of trauma?

Then ya -- it will be worth it to keep going today.
 

JGTRG

Not Active
A couple of months ago, I opened up to my therapist for the first time since I was 13. That was 16 years ago, all that time holding everything in. It’s a lot to do. It’s an enormous step. It too made me really struggle, including the immense physical pain that it caused, making work a minute by minute activity. But I got through it, and you will too, and it will pass. It took me about 6 weeks to fully calm down. But, the positive thing is, when I start to feel that level of physical symptoms again, I know what ever is happening for me at that time, Is something I need to avoid/work though. It will get better, it will
 

osiris

MyPTSD Pro
Just adding my voice to say people here get it.
I felt like you do a year ago when I joined. Talking about some things is still difficult. But having people here walking alongside me in the dark has made all the difference.

Share what you can, when you can, when you want. It is good to reach out here.
 

jch

Learning
Just adding my voice to say people here get it.
I felt like you do a year ago when I joined. Talking about some things is still difficult. But having people here walking alongside me in the dark has made all the difference.

Share what you can, when you can, when you want. It is good to reach out here.
Reaching out to anyone is very new to me, and I'll admit it sets off all the danger alarms in my head. I'm kind of freaked.
 

jch

Learning
This.
Ok so if writing is supposed to help, where do I start? What do I write? For one, I've never talked about any of this before. Talking to anyone outside of small talk is rare for me.
 
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