I told him everything, it feels better

Kittie

Confident
I've been stressing about telling my boyfriend/fiancee the details of a trauma that put a kink in our future. He didn't understand my fear of flying, now he does (somewhat).

Thank you to Scout, if I remember correctly, for the info my friend could look up and read for himself. It made starting the conversation much easier. While he was reading, I climbed a rock and waited. My friend was surprised to learn it wasn't a little problem. He didn't have a lot of questions, but is agreeable with going by boat instead of flying. He said if he saw me have a panic attack, it would make him uncomfortable. He doesn't deal with crying ladies very well!

He decided to share something difficult in his past, which helps me understand his lack of emotions, which I'd been misreading. He does care but shows it in his own way. Now that I know that, I won't feel unheard. It was as hard for him to tell his news as it was for me with mine. Our chat brought us closer to understanding each other and strengthened us both knowing we can talk about ANYthing and we still accept each other!

We packed up the tent and got home before the snow storm hit. I feel a ton of bricks has been removed from me! The only problems going by boat causes are my concern of catching covid and I wouldn't be allowed to take my cats. If we fly, the cats can, too. They've been my companions for years and I can't desert them. They're all I had in my reclusive years.

Now the ball is in my court...I have to overcome my ultimate terror to bring my furballs. I haven't talked to a therapist in a long time, but I think a few visits would be good. I want to be normal in a common everyday situation. The future looks bright if I don't mess things up.
 

Friday

Moderator
He didn't understand my fear of flying, now he does
Hell yes! Woohoo!!! Way to go, you! 🥳


He decided to share something difficult in his past, which helps me understand his lack of emotions, which I'd been misreading.
Our chat brought us closer to understanding each other and strengthened us both knowing we can talk about ANYthing and we still accept each other!
Sounds like you just learned to trust your own judgment a bit more / that he IS the man you thought him to be, rather than the man you feared he might be...

...and were also brave enough to find out, and willing to be wrong.

Seriously well done. The not trusting others thing doesn’t get to me, too much. Not being able to trust myself, and my own judgment? Guts me. Finding out I was right about someone else’s character isn’t what rebuilds that trust, though. (For me.) It’s the willingness to be wrong, and strong enough to find out. Being right? Is “just” a bonus. It’s stepping out of my head (and what I imagine, hope, or fear), and dealing with what actually IS, that lets me trust my own judgement, again.


If we fly, the cats can, too. They've been my companions for years and I can't desert them. They're all I had in my reclusive years.
I’ve lived all over the world... my pets come with me, they’re family... but often not the same time or route. Just like “unaccompanied minors” unaccompanied pets are a thing, too. As is stashing them with a mate, who’s going to join us later for a week or two vacation/house-warming, flyin over with them.

Not trying to take away the potential goal of flying for your pets... just hoping to ease some of the fear of all-or-nothing options.
 
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Kittie

Confident
Hell yes! Woohoo!!! Way to go, you! 🥳




Sounds like you just learned to trust your own judgment a bit more / that he IS the man you thought him to be, rather than the man you feared he might be...

...and were also brave enough to find out, and willing to be wrong.

Seriously well done. The not trusting others thing doesn’t get to me, too much. Not being able to trust myself, and my own judgment? Guts me. Finding out I was right about someone else’s character isn’t what rebuilds that trust, though. (For me.) It’s the willingness to be wrong, and strong enough to find out. Being right? Is “just” a bonus. It’s stepping out of my head (and what I imagine, hope, or fear), and dealing with what actually IS, that lets me trust my own judgement, again.



I’ve lived all over the world... my pets come with me, they’re family... but often not the same time or route. Just like “unaccompanied minors” unaccompanied pets are a thing, too. As is stashing them with a mate, who’s going to join us later for a week or two vacation/house-warming, flyin over with them.

Not trying to take away the potential goal of flying for your pets... just hoping to ease some of the fear of all-or-nothing options.
Thank you! I had to make sure he wouldn't have regrets if I wasn't Ms Right. Better to clear up everything honestly early on than have secrets destroy us later. Men and women seem to be on different emotional levels which make connecting at the heart level difficult at times. Now I can trust myself to get out of my emotional comfort zone, I'll take a guess he's feeling the same.

His kids would visit, I'd be happy to pay the the pets' vet certification and required vaccines and the hassle of the time limitation before travel. Heck, I'd even buy his kids' tickets so I can stay on the ground! The cats are like my own kids, my furry family. Travel restrictions make it a challenge but not impossible.
 
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