I Told My Mom What My Dad Did

[Manic11]

So I thought everything was fine with that but it turns out she really does think I'm a liar. She then went to tell my whole family which is now ganging up on me. She then went on to tell my boyfriend that it's not true and he doesn't know what to believe.
I've lost everything now....

 

[Heather]

wow,so there is someone out here who is in the exact same boat as i am and going through the exact same thing with their family....not being believed...being called a liar.....being ganged up on....what a relief to know I'm truly truly not alone in every way shape and form. so, so, so, glad I found this site!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[hopelives]

So I thought everything was fine with that but it turns out she really does think I'm a liar. She then went to tell my whole family which is now ganging up on me. She then went on to tell my boyfriend that it's not true and he doesn't know what to believe.
I've lost everything now....

I hope you are ok manic. That is extremely sad that is her reaction. My husband had the same problem when he told his dad what happen. He told my husband he was a liar. His was in denial and said nothing bad ever happen to you. It is amazing that they stood their tell me he was a liar. I know my husband and I told them where to jump. My husband has no contact with mum and dad has passed away.

Big Hugs.

 

[snugglepuss]

I think that not believing what they are told is a bizarre coping mechanism on other people's part. Like if they don't believe it, that means it never happened, and they can cope better with those emotions than the emotions they would have if they accepted the truth.

Either way, it still sucks.

 

[kers]

Manic, I'm wondering how the holidays went for you...

 

[Abrasky]

I'm hoping that your ok Manic. A parent abandoning you can be such a shock it can trigger PTSD. When a parent abandons you often the support needed to overcome the problems faced are taken away and PTSD starts. My mum like yours didn't believe me and I didn't talk to her for 2 years. Support is really important, make sure you have a lot of support around you. If you can't find support, another way to find support is to find a therapist for during this time. Even if you don't feel like you need the support, please find some, as it takes a long time for extra triggering symptoms to come through.

 

[Aimzify]

i can tell you i know how you feel. my dad molested me when i was 18, right before i went to college, it didn't happen again until i was 21 about 4 months ago. I was so scared because there was such a gap between years of the instances occuring, the thing that lead me to tell my mom was that i wanted her to know because who else was my dad touching inappropriately? was my dad sleeping around? a dad doesn't just randomly touch his own daughter, its a gradual thing thats rooted from something else, its like saying a person on psych breakdown or a drug addict started out w/ something small, no its a gradual thing & that was my concern. was my dad cheating on my mom? had my dad touched my 4yr old niece? my other older sisters? So, in my opinion it was the right move. My mom did the same thing, didn't believe me, believed me...same thing w/ my family. i had one sis that believed me, one that called me a liar, but eventually and statistically you can look at it, why would you make something like that up? why would you jeopardize your family's relationship and what you have w/ them? Thats what i told my family and eventually thats when things started to turn in my favor a little. statistically the number of ppl that make up something like that are VERY VERY small. you did the right thing. its hard but for your safety and for others its a good healthy call. its also an opportunity for him to get help. my dad finally openly called me and apologized. i accepted, but explained that i cannot have a relationship w/ him again, but maybe an aquaintance relationship. to where when we are w/ family we shake hands and keep in touch via email. its better that way and the anxiety has subsided. holidays were hard this year. this year was the first year i didn't spend it w/ my family. i was secluded because i couldn't be around my dad. i had to spend it in another state w/ my friend, but its also a friendly reminder that you're strong and have the freedom to make ur own choices. things get better from here, and it certainly helps to get a secret like that of ur chest. if you ever need to talk, im here.

 

[Aimzify]

also, do not be alone w/ him. i saw my dad for the first time since everything, but took a strong male w/ me. my Sargent boyfriend ;) & it was much more at ease & i felt safe. do what YOU need to do to feel safe. Also, go to counseling if you can. i went and it helped me find a few ways to cope and understand why my family reacted the way they did and why i felt the way i did.

 

[ISupportHer]

But suddenly when I tell her about the molestation I'm a monster

I have not ventured here, to this part of the forum for a while. Maybe it's better late than never, to say simply that you most definitely are NOT a monster. Awesome courage to say anything at all to her.

ISH

 

[Manic11]

Thanks ISH. I always miss your comments! :hugs:

Manic

 

[becvan]

I'm sorry to hear about the family reaction Manic. I think you did great telling her and should be proud of yourself. Her reaction is her failure, let her own it and don't guilt yourself.

bec