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I Volunteered At A Community Event.

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jaccat

MyPTSD Pro
Tonight I volunteered at a community event. Just a year ago I was unable to even go out for a night with work colleagues, with social anxiety pretty much crippling me, not to mention trust issues and no sense of self-worth.

Tonight's event involved me turning up alone to a meeting of strangers, putting on a lanyard and directing members of public, communicating with local officials to come to decisions, and being a general point of reference for anyone who needed information.

I fell into it by accident. A colleague was asking for volunteers on behalf of the committe and I said I may be free that night. Next thing I knew I'd been signed up and was recieving e-mails. I was pretty scared at that, but I wanted to help. It was something I cared about.

Earlier this week I had to go to a committee meeting in a local pub. Not only did it involve walking alone into a room full of strangers, it also meant walking into an environment that makes me acutely uncomfortable. I was phobic of alcohol right into my twenties, to the point where the smell of it made me retch. But I did it. I even coped with the people around me drinking and getting close to me.

I was really anxious before today's event. More anxious than I've been in months. But I didn't catastrophise, or throw up. I didn't decide I was going to be massively out of place, or that people were going to wonder why I was there. And I managed to make myself step off the front porch, where I was hovering when it was time to leave.

What I found strangest was how it was as if I was suddenly visible. I've lived my whole life hiding behind others, being the invisible one. But today everyone saw me as being one of 'them', someone with authority. It was literally like I was suddenly a person, which was very odd. I kept forgetting and being taken by surprise every time someone asked me a question. Each time there was this fraction of a second where my brain had to catch up with what was going on around me, and fight the instinctive reaction that told me they couldn't be talking to me.

I even coped with being hugged by a stranger at the end, and I actually enjoyed myself.
 
Having something, a cause that you care about, is a great tool.
And service work, giving of yourself in something you are passionate about or care about is a great motivator too.
Both are great healing mechanisms.
Keep doing what you're doing - keep it that simple - and keep enjoying.
That is so cool !!!
Thanks for sharing!
 
Quite a few accomplishments and realizations for you. I used to be able to do all of that and loved it as I was an events planner. Having to take a back seat for a while due to personal stuff, but seeing what you've managed despite your fears gives me hope. I'm so very happy for you!!! :tup: VB
 
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