i want to be alone like 247, i rarely leave my room, and when i do leave i cant stay gone long before i have a panic attack

C

cantfindit

ive heard of agoraphobia... which is when a person fears situations where they are unable to escape and/or cant leave there home without having a panic attack. but mine is a little different than this, cause i dont get panic attacks from leaving, i just get panic attacks when i have to go far away (more than a few miles) or when i have to stay gone for longer than an hour. I can barely handle being around people for longer than one hour a day before i just want to be alone again. whenever i go anywhere i have to drive my car instead of going in someone elses car, because im worried ill want to get back soon, but they wont be ready to take me back yet. which will make me anxious as hell. i use to go to friends houses all the time and hang out all day, but now i have a hard time staying at anyones house for even one hour. if i hang out with someone, i always want them to come to my place, instead of me going to there place. and its nothing about any specific place, because it doesnt matter where i go, i still feel this way even at places where i know im safe. and if i ever go to someone elses place than i always have some excuse as to why i have to "get back" so soon. i dont get lonely, i enjoy being alone, most times when people ask to hang out, i make excuses against it. i feel that its not normal to desire to be home alone 23 hours a day. wouldnt that make any normal person go insane? i have complex ptsd and bi-polar disorder. i need help but cant afford a psychiatrist at the moment. anyone know what could be wrong with me and how to help it?
 

RubyBlue

Policy Enforcement
I know you say you can’t afford a psychiatrist, but have you looked for any therapists that offer sliding scale payments? Or contacted MHMR (if you are in the US)? This is something you should definitely work with a professional on. In the meantime, how about creating safety while you are out? Much like a child will have a special bear that makes them feel secure when in scary places. Is there something small, a charm, a rock, that means something to you or that you can assign meaning to that you can carry in your pocket and have that sense of safety with it?
 
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