as a partner, you are in a potentially good spot to have the best guess on how to be mindfully supportive. trust your gut.
a quality i have noticed since beginning my own therapy guided practice of mindfulness is that the best guess is seldom what i guessed beforehand. when i wait with mindful patience, the person i am hoping to support typically lets me know, whether mindfully or wishfully, what they need to hear. more and more, i believe listening is the most important support tool there is.
VA interview? Oh ya, those suck.
A message to say thinking of you is perfectly ok, maybe even one afterwards saying you hope he is doing ok. Best way to help is to just let him know you are there to talk - and to not be offended if he doesn't want to. You mght offer to drive him if possible - I was always such a wreck afterwards that the last thing I should be doing is getting behind the wheel.
Those interviews are brutal. Really, really brutal, even if they go well.
When I would walk out of mine all I wanted to do was either run or hide. There wasn't much hubby could do to help except for keeping his distance, unless of course I didn't want him to. Ya, lots of mixed messages and what not
I agree with @arfie about just being there to listen, even if your guy isn't ready to talk.
Thank you all for your messages. I have been with my partner for just about 2 years nd I find that the thing I struggle with the most is timing and when to talk about things. I feel like I always pick the wrong timing.