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I want to share my story

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by NewHere66, Jun 3, 2018.

  1. NewHere66

    NewHere66 Guest

    Hello everyone. These past couple of weeks I feel like I am ready to tell my story which happened about a half a year ago.
    I am 23, happily married for 1.5 years. 8 month ago, I flew with my mother abroad to her home country because my grandma has passed away and we had to handle some bureaucracy there.
    During our stay, we have visited my aunt-my mother's sister, and we stayed at her house for one night. That night something horrible happened that had an impact on my life. My aunt's grandson is 21, he came to visit us and stay the night there too. I saw him only once before when we visited family a long time ago and we were both little, but now we are at about the same age, so we hung out together that day. He is my relative, we share the same blood. In the evening we sat all four of us -me,my mother, my aunt and her grandson. We ate and drank mostly a lot of wine. After my mom and aunt got tired, me and him went to one of the bedrooms to continue the hangout and we continued to drink, talk,laugh, looking through family photos and listening to music from the computer. The room was very small so we both sat on the bed. Suddenly at one moment he came behind me and started to kiss me. At this point I was so drunk and couldn't understand what is happening, so we continued to make out and then he went towards my panties(I wore a dress). I was right in the middle of my period that day, bleeding a lot, and even though I was drunk, I was able to tell him at that moment "No, I can't, I have my period". This is where it should have ended, but it didn't. He continued despite the fact that I just told him and said something like "I don't care" or "It doesn't bother me" and just continued to force himself on me. After that I don't remember what happened and if I was even fully conscious at the time, I just knew that we had sex, and it was pretty rough(he bit me, held my mouth shut).
    After that we both fell asleep in that same bed(I was supposed to sleep with my mother in another room). In the morning I woke up first, and I was just shocked - I thought about what will we tell to my mother and aunt. So we just told them that we drank a lot and fell asleep together - they won't even think about the possibility that something happened because, in a way, we are like brothers/we have a family connection. At that morning I was 100% sure that I had just accidentally cheated on my husband,but then again - why would I want to sleep with my family relative? I didn't want him at all, I wasn't attracted to him and I am the most faithful wife in the world. But I acted very strangely that day, and I continued to play this role with him, that I cheated and like we had a romance between us and we kissed in the morning a little bit too, and he also tried to have sex with me in the morning and I didn't want to. So we just came out of the room , joked about that we were so drunk that we fell asleep together on the same bed and that's it. I went to the shower because I was full with blood on my body from the period, and I wasn't feeling well, I was hungover bad and I puked a lot. I had a bite bruise on my ear, huge hickie on my neck and later on I saw that I got a hickie on my boob too. I felt violated and disgusted. Me and my mother said goodbye to the family and went back home. He texted me how do I feel about what happened, he knew that I am married. I told him that I feel horrible and that this is ultimately his fault, because I was really drunk and with period, and he took advantage of me. He said that he is sorry, and it happened because he "just couldn't resist" and that "you are awesome", and told me to forget about it.
    So I tried to forget, of course I deleted our conversation, and I tried to convince myself that it was a dream, a bad dream. I came back home to my country to my husband, and tried to live on like nothing happened. I told about this to 1 person, my best friend.
    Lately I am really debating if I should tell my mother about it or not(we are VERY close). I almost shared it with her the day after it happened, but decided not to, because she was already devastated with her own mother's death at the time. I didn't want to make things harder on her.
    I really want to let out this story, I came to an understanding that I was raped, even though it didn't look like it from the beginning. My rapist apologized to me, and promised that we will forget about it and never talk about it, so maybe it is a sign to move on, but sometimes I feel really bad and helpless again, helpless that I can't erase what happened, that I can't tell my husband and he thinks that I'm perfect.
    I have flashbacks sometimes from that night, that are proving to me I was really unconscious and forced to do this.

    That is my story.
     
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  3. Anonymous36

    Anonymous36 Guest

    Dear Newhere66,

    It’s terrible that this happened to you. This is, not in any way, your fault. You didn’t consent to what was happening, this was rape and that’s absolutely horrible.
    Please consider talking to your mom and husband as you deserve support. Then again, you are in no way at fault so your husband will not be angry with you and he will and he has to support you 100%.
    I suggest finding a therapist who can help you with your road to healing.
    You are not alone and we are all here to support you.

    Love and safe hugs,
    Anonymous36
     
  4. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    I wouldn’t be so sure that her husband would support her. Not all cultures view this sort of thing in the same way.
     
  5. NewHere66

    NewHere66 Guest

    Thank you so much for your reply, it means a lot to me. I was so afraid to share my story but after I published the thread I felt some kind of relief, even before I read the comments. I was actually pretty scared to read the comments but now it makes me feel better too, so thank you very much, and I am in the process of maybe sharing it with my mother, she is, by the way, a therapist. My only fear of sharing it with her is that she would get hurt because the rapist is her sister's beloved grandson.

    My husband is very sensitive and can be really understanding, and I am quite sure that if I will tell him he will be able to understand, but sometimes I think that maybe it's better for him to not know that because once he knows, he would get hurt and will think about this forever.
    There are situations where it's better to keep the truth from someone in order to protect him.
    Thank god that this incident didn't affect my sexual life, I've managed to move on physically.
    Thank you for your attention.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 5, 2018
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