Notamorningperson
MyPTSD Pro
Looks like it’s been the first time in almost 4 years I’ve been on this forum. I miss y’all. My last year has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. Not in terms of my mind, I’ve been relatively sane, but with the actual events going on.
so 2019, first time in my adult life I finally found and maintained a full time job. I’ve been working security for over two years now, and I’ve made a reputation for myself. To the point that if I ever had to walk off a job, another is practically waiting for me around the corner. I feel accomplished. Useful, for once.
last year on Father’s Day I finally met my biological father. Basically took the 23&me DNA test, turns out my great aunt was on the network. I give her my number since she still talks to my dad, the day before Father’s Day, my dad gives me a call. We talk a while. I meet him the next day. I also met my little brother, who I never got the opportunity to meet before.
for context my mother made every attempt to alienate my father from my life, travelling around the country to avoid him, and only getting to meet him a couple times in my life, only for me to be used as a pawn so she could serve him with a court summon. She drained him from child support payments so bad he could barely take care of my brother (who has EDS and as a child needed specialized care) or make payments on his home.
I then met my stepbrother, the child of my dads wife. He was pretty cool but for some reason something about him didn’t sit right with me.
Found out pretty quick why. My wife was seeing him behind my back.
here’s the messed up part. A few months prior to this being an issue, I kinda got the vibe that he had the hots for my wife. So I nonchalantly asked her one night “you don’t think he has the hots for you do you?” She replied no I don’t think so, and with that I dropped the thought entirely.
a week later she comes up to me and says “btw I asked ******** about it and he said absolutely not” and I was pretty choked up because I’m sorry, call me old fashioned but a conversation in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Then him and I had a long conversation where he made it clear he had no intentions whatsoever with her and if she were to even flirt with him, he would be the first to tell me.
so that night, the whole situation just seemed suspicious so I told her, hey, I don’t think you should trust him.
few weeks later I wake up, stepmom is downstairs with the kids. And I ask where the wife is. She says she’s out with my stepbrother to buy swimsuits for my kids, and some water balloons. They were out for 4 hours. When they come home, I asked her why so long, she said “we went out for a drive too”. I ask her why, “oh we were talking about the kids”. That night, I told her, crying in front of her for the first time in 4 years, telling her I’m hurt that for one, she is talking to a man that I don’t trust, and told her not to trust, alone. That she would talk to him about our kids for hours but she never gives me the time of day to talk about them. How it has been literally forever since she has initiated any kind of affection toward me. I had to initiate that all the time. And how she has never asked me “how I’m doing”. Even the days I’m not ok.
a week later I finally confront her. I told her if we are to move forward in our marriage, because then I really wanted to make it work, I needed to see the messages between her and him. (In our relationship we had passwords and pins to each other’s socials and devices, even though we never really asked to check things) and she refused. It took 3 hours to finally convince her to do so, because since this whole scandal, she has not let her phone out of her sight, she would sleep with it in her hand, not even charging it.
I finally convinced her to show me. And it turns out they have been going out for walks alone together at night. She told him she has plans to leave me. She even expressed her feelings toward him. And that it had been going on for 3 weeks.
I looked at another message threat with one of her mom friends where she basically said things have been getting worse between us and that she is going to leave me. “Fixing our marriage, absolutely not. Coparenting, maybe”.
that “maybe” broke me as a father.
I gotta try to get some sleep now. I’ll finish this story when I wake up.
again, for those that remember me, it’s been awhile. Miss y’all.
so 2019, first time in my adult life I finally found and maintained a full time job. I’ve been working security for over two years now, and I’ve made a reputation for myself. To the point that if I ever had to walk off a job, another is practically waiting for me around the corner. I feel accomplished. Useful, for once.
last year on Father’s Day I finally met my biological father. Basically took the 23&me DNA test, turns out my great aunt was on the network. I give her my number since she still talks to my dad, the day before Father’s Day, my dad gives me a call. We talk a while. I meet him the next day. I also met my little brother, who I never got the opportunity to meet before.
for context my mother made every attempt to alienate my father from my life, travelling around the country to avoid him, and only getting to meet him a couple times in my life, only for me to be used as a pawn so she could serve him with a court summon. She drained him from child support payments so bad he could barely take care of my brother (who has EDS and as a child needed specialized care) or make payments on his home.
I then met my stepbrother, the child of my dads wife. He was pretty cool but for some reason something about him didn’t sit right with me.
Found out pretty quick why. My wife was seeing him behind my back.
here’s the messed up part. A few months prior to this being an issue, I kinda got the vibe that he had the hots for my wife. So I nonchalantly asked her one night “you don’t think he has the hots for you do you?” She replied no I don’t think so, and with that I dropped the thought entirely.
a week later she comes up to me and says “btw I asked ******** about it and he said absolutely not” and I was pretty choked up because I’m sorry, call me old fashioned but a conversation in the bedroom stays in the bedroom. Then him and I had a long conversation where he made it clear he had no intentions whatsoever with her and if she were to even flirt with him, he would be the first to tell me.
so that night, the whole situation just seemed suspicious so I told her, hey, I don’t think you should trust him.
few weeks later I wake up, stepmom is downstairs with the kids. And I ask where the wife is. She says she’s out with my stepbrother to buy swimsuits for my kids, and some water balloons. They were out for 4 hours. When they come home, I asked her why so long, she said “we went out for a drive too”. I ask her why, “oh we were talking about the kids”. That night, I told her, crying in front of her for the first time in 4 years, telling her I’m hurt that for one, she is talking to a man that I don’t trust, and told her not to trust, alone. That she would talk to him about our kids for hours but she never gives me the time of day to talk about them. How it has been literally forever since she has initiated any kind of affection toward me. I had to initiate that all the time. And how she has never asked me “how I’m doing”. Even the days I’m not ok.
a week later I finally confront her. I told her if we are to move forward in our marriage, because then I really wanted to make it work, I needed to see the messages between her and him. (In our relationship we had passwords and pins to each other’s socials and devices, even though we never really asked to check things) and she refused. It took 3 hours to finally convince her to do so, because since this whole scandal, she has not let her phone out of her sight, she would sleep with it in her hand, not even charging it.
I finally convinced her to show me. And it turns out they have been going out for walks alone together at night. She told him she has plans to leave me. She even expressed her feelings toward him. And that it had been going on for 3 weeks.
I looked at another message threat with one of her mom friends where she basically said things have been getting worse between us and that she is going to leave me. “Fixing our marriage, absolutely not. Coparenting, maybe”.
that “maybe” broke me as a father.
I gotta try to get some sleep now. I’ll finish this story when I wake up.
again, for those that remember me, it’s been awhile. Miss y’all.