Veronica1423
New Here
When I was 7 (The age I remember it from) I was being molested by my father up until the age of 14 when I realised that what he was doing wasn't right.
Let's start from the begging, the first incident happened when I was on the couch with him and playing games on his phone when he decided to touch me in THAT place and tell me it was okay, I told him it hurts but he wouldn't stop and told me it should feel good, so I have ignored it.
He slept with me fully naked and pressed up against me on several nights. He touched me in a swimming pool through my swimsuit caressing me in the same place he always has. He caressed me and put his fingers inside me when I was 10. he insisted I get changed in front of him and he would undress too. He kept touching my thighs, knees, ass, THAT area. Everywhere. And told me if it was our little secret so I never told anyone until the point 14 years old when he was taking pictures of me, and I told him to stop and that I didn't want to, and he got angry at me that when I said it and it was the last time, I have seen him.
Before the photo situation, it was the same routine as his hands on me. My mum and he are divorced so I saw him every weekend I would walk in on him ejaculating he wouldn't stop even when I saw what he was doing so that kept happening for 7 years. When I got the courage to tell my stepdad he told me it wasn't okay and when I hit 16, I told my stepdad every detail of what has happened.
Since I was 16 and started having alcohol, I get flashbacks and have panic attacks and breakdowns but only when I'm alone. This has caused me severe trust issues with men since now I think that if I say no to something they will get angry at me and leave just as my father has which has resulted in me into not letting a man into my life. I have tried talking about this issue with my parents, but they tell me to get over it and forget about it, but I can't.
He tries to reach out to me now and again but when he does it bring back the flashbacks and memories that I try to bury. I often turn to alcohol and try to forget but it only works until the flashbacks kick in again.
I get thought of maybe that this is my fault that I haven't stopped this sooner or maybe I'm overreacting since people have it worse than me. I haven't spoken about it to a therapist or counsellor since the thought of that scares me. But yeah, this is my story, and any help would be appreciated <3
Let's start from the begging, the first incident happened when I was on the couch with him and playing games on his phone when he decided to touch me in THAT place and tell me it was okay, I told him it hurts but he wouldn't stop and told me it should feel good, so I have ignored it.
He slept with me fully naked and pressed up against me on several nights. He touched me in a swimming pool through my swimsuit caressing me in the same place he always has. He caressed me and put his fingers inside me when I was 10. he insisted I get changed in front of him and he would undress too. He kept touching my thighs, knees, ass, THAT area. Everywhere. And told me if it was our little secret so I never told anyone until the point 14 years old when he was taking pictures of me, and I told him to stop and that I didn't want to, and he got angry at me that when I said it and it was the last time, I have seen him.
Before the photo situation, it was the same routine as his hands on me. My mum and he are divorced so I saw him every weekend I would walk in on him ejaculating he wouldn't stop even when I saw what he was doing so that kept happening for 7 years. When I got the courage to tell my stepdad he told me it wasn't okay and when I hit 16, I told my stepdad every detail of what has happened.
Since I was 16 and started having alcohol, I get flashbacks and have panic attacks and breakdowns but only when I'm alone. This has caused me severe trust issues with men since now I think that if I say no to something they will get angry at me and leave just as my father has which has resulted in me into not letting a man into my life. I have tried talking about this issue with my parents, but they tell me to get over it and forget about it, but I can't.
He tries to reach out to me now and again but when he does it bring back the flashbacks and memories that I try to bury. I often turn to alcohol and try to forget but it only works until the flashbacks kick in again.
I get thought of maybe that this is my fault that I haven't stopped this sooner or maybe I'm overreacting since people have it worse than me. I haven't spoken about it to a therapist or counsellor since the thought of that scares me. But yeah, this is my story, and any help would be appreciated <3