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I will do it myself thank you

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Deleted member 44579

Hi I wasn't given any kind of support when I was wee. So I learned to do everything myself..... Everything...

Im just wondering if that's a bad thing?.. It's probably because when I was vulnerable nobody gave a shit. So either fall or get up...

I find it hard to ask for help.... Because I am not used to being helped.... Has anyone else felt this way?... And do you feel it's a bad thing?.... Or a good thing?....
 
One of my rules: 'Never ask for help and you won't be disappointed.'

It is pretty grim, I'm aware of that now, though it proved true time and again when I was younger, so I stuck with it.
Doesn't mean it's a good rule.. it just worked for me.
I am fiercely independent because of it and I can't tolerate Orders because of manipulating types..
Not such a bad deal then, I guess.

Downside?
I don't know how to accept help, am suspicious of ulterior motives when it is offered.. haven't had to test it as I've never accepted help.

There is a.. sadness there, I think, but I don't have the experience to define it.
 
Hahahaha. I’ve felt this way.... only all my life. I guess I’m ok with it too. It’s forced me to be very very independent and strong in that I don’t rely on anyone but me. On the flip side, it can be frustrating because there is no one there to help.
 
What if there were someone who understood, and wanted to help, though?
Ah, yes. That is the risk though, isn't it?

For people like me, giving is a gift. Especially if someone asks me. Not everyone out there is abusive. Some people actually like helping others. So people that won't ask and will suffer in silence instead is very tragic. I think the biggest thing is determining who is trustable enough to ask.
 
I too have felt this way all of my life until I moved to a very place where people are usually honest and supportive to me. This last year I got deathly sick two times and was in a position where I truly needed help and reached out to people. And they helped me surprisingly without resentments and were glad to help.

I hope this happens for everyone here eventually. We do need one another. I am not even close to where I want to be yet, I do not ask for help most of the time. But I am beginning to learn how to and with who to go to.

I had so many rotten people in my life for most of it. Maybe it is human nature that there are so many horrible people I do not know. But we are social animals who have been tragically devasted for most of our lives so the very thing we need to do, we resist naturally and with good reasons too.

I think when we are ready we will take the baby steps we need to take and take another risk. A measured risk where when we do eventually reach out, we will do it in such a way that we do not set ourselves up to be hurt or taken advantage of again.

like I said I am not even close to where I want to be and I have always refused to ask anyone for help. But when you are flat on your back for weeks and you run out of food, you look for someone who is a good person who will do shopping for you. This is what happened for me. As we do exposures a little at time we can overcome our resistances to reaching out for help in a time that we have no one there. We are motivated to do this in order to survive, but I do not think we do this until we have a few good people in our lives that are usually safe to approach. My take on it anyways.
 
I too have felt this way all of my life until I moved to a very place where people are usually honest and...
Hi rain..thats the thing.. It's only when you have the right peope in your life... That you hope you can ask for there help.

I too Im sick flu.... And I'm fed up with not being able to ask anyone for help... But I also remember some of the friends I did have were toxic... So I got them out of my life... You can't win sometimes....
 
Perhaps it really does happen in time, I'll hold onto that hope for your words, @Rain.

I'm so glad that you found that place and those people to lean on when you needed to.
I agree totally that, as social animals, we all need connection, support, help when things are so bad.

Dammit, I so want to be optimistic and supportive, because I believe what you say.. but death has been too close, with no aid but luck.
 
I've been very lucky/unlucky over this last couple of years. I lost the few people I had finally, after many years, learned to trust once they saw the darkness in my soul. But the hole they left was filled by a different kind of people (3 - not big numbers) who are weirdly helpful. Even though I don't deserve them, and have a hard time trusting them, they stick around. I'm still not good at asking for help, but I'm getting better at letting them offer. I won't lie - it makes me very nervous. But.......
 
I too Im sick flu.... And I'm fed up with not being able to ask anyone for help... But I also remember some of the friends I did have were toxic... So I got them out of my life... You can't win sometimes....

Xena I am so sorry to hear that you are sick with the flu. I know you cannot win sometimes and I do know how it feels to be surrounded by toxic people. There were more years of my life being surrounded by unhealthy people. I wish I could help you out right now.

I sure hope that you take really good care of yourself and get well as soon as possible. I do know how bad it sucks to be really sick and alone.:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
 
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