As the days count down to the first anniversary of my friend's death, I find myself hoping, wishing, that I could dream of her again. I've only ever dreamt of her 4 times since her death. -the first the night after she died. She was just there, surrounded by black darkness, just looking at me. -the second the night after her burial. -and the third and fourth seemingly 'random' timings. It hurts so bad waking up after dreaming of her, and realising that it was only a dream and knowing I'll never see her, speak to her again in person. So I know it is selfish of me to wish for this as I know it will only hurt after I wake. I'm not a particularly spiritual person and I know I can't control my dreams; if I could I wouldn't have had nightmares all this time. But I just hope she will visit me in my sleep again soon. I will bear the hurt of the morning after for that momentary bliss of seeing her again.