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Sexual Assault I wrote an angry letter to the rapist...

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Justmehere

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Some people write or say “my abuser” or “my rapist” and it makes sense as a function of lanague, but I refuse to own the abusers and rapists as mine.

I’m struggling with displaced anger about one of the abusers I have encountered in life. I was able to shift it for a moment, and actually felt anger at the rapist... and I pulled up his address (he was convicted of some of his crimes and is in the criminal justice system) and wrote a letter to him. I never gave any victim impact statement. I’m angry at all his enablers too, but it’s not wise to contact them about it. He got a light sentence for his acts but he still can’t get near me.

My letter was very short. I wished he would live a very long life filled with guilt and shame and terror about what he had done to so many. (He hurt quite a few.) I insulted the size of his dick too. Eh. It was that or a long list of worse insults. It was not super crass but it was not professional either.

I signed it “one of your victims.”

I’m seriously thinking of sending it, with no return address. I called the proper corrections dept and they had no qualms about it. I have no expectations it will affect anything, I don’t want a response and if he did I would run with it to court to get his sentence lengthened so fast...

I may not be thinking about this clearly. I should probably burn it. I want to send it. After I wrote it and put it in an envelope, I felt a rush of relief. That worries me about me.

Damn it, I’m pissed. Bad idea to send it?
 
I love writing letters to my abuser to get it out, but I wouldn’t ever send them. He’s a raging psychopath and he’d get a kick out of knowing he caused these emotions in me and others. He loves causing pain. I’m sure he’s on torturing someone else if he hasn’t gotten caught with all the drugs he does or for insurance fraud on his apartment. It depends which is more important to you, your own release and knowing your emotions are “heard” but idk if a serial abuser could ever even actually hear that, or making sure he doesn’t get the satisfaction.
 
I always think its wise to be very clear about your expectations and all potential consequences. Sometimes both lurk below our conscious awareness. These actions often backlash for many but for a few can give some relief. I think its partly about knowing ourselves, partly about going in with head out of sand, and partly about having extremely low expectations and a covered back. Discussion with your t sounds very wise. Good luck.
 
After I wrote it and put it in an envelope, I felt a rush of relief. That worries me about me.
I don't think you necessarily need to be worried about your actions, here. I can imagine putting that anger down on paper felt very good, and also like doing something.
Maybe I should read it to my therapist
This would probably be even more cathartic.

I personally don't see anything wrong with sending it - but I think you should consider whether doing so will leave you with a weird hanging thing in your brain, wondering if he read it and what he thought, etc. Also, whether this will give you anxiety when he is eventually no longer incarcerated. I'm guessing you're on a notification list for his movement through the system...I know it's hard to anticipate how you may feel about it that far down the road, but releases tend to be stressful for the survivors.

If you're up for trying the reading it to your T idea, then you could always see how you feel about it, after.
 
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