I wrote that goodbye letter to my late wife, and i feel somewhat relieved. I didn't lose my mind, but i didn't get emotional either. Did i do it wrong? I thought that i would at least cry!:crybaby: Maybe i wrote it wrong. I told her that i will always love her, and that she occupies a very special and totally exclusive part of my heart and soul; i told her that i was sorry if my words and/or actions contributed to her state of mind and her suicide/death. I ended by saying goodbye. The letter was about a page long. Shouldn't i have at least felt something? I still feel numb about her. :poke:
I would also like to share a little more about her death; it will help me to get this out:
My wife died of an overdose of my xanax and her heroin. We don't know if it was a suicide or an accident... the circumstances were confusing. But, I woke up and found her dead on the floor; I opened her eyelids and tried to wake her up, but she was already gone. I called 911 and they came right away, but there was nothing they could do, for she was already dead too long when I found her. I will NEVER forget that blank stare she had when I opened her eyes, and tried to wake her up!! That dead stare is a waking nightmare when I think about it for too long. I usually just block it out when it comes to mind. I just go numb for a little while! I feel heartless for not feeling sad and for not thinking about the memories and all, but it's too painful. This has helped though... you know, getting all of this out! Sometimes I FEEL LIKE A SCARED LITTLE BOY!!
Thanks for listening, and i would appreciate any feedback anyone could offer me.
Have a blessed day and a Merry Christmas,
Josh
I would also like to share a little more about her death; it will help me to get this out:
My wife died of an overdose of my xanax and her heroin. We don't know if it was a suicide or an accident... the circumstances were confusing. But, I woke up and found her dead on the floor; I opened her eyelids and tried to wake her up, but she was already gone. I called 911 and they came right away, but there was nothing they could do, for she was already dead too long when I found her. I will NEVER forget that blank stare she had when I opened her eyes, and tried to wake her up!! That dead stare is a waking nightmare when I think about it for too long. I usually just block it out when it comes to mind. I just go numb for a little while! I feel heartless for not feeling sad and for not thinking about the memories and all, but it's too painful. This has helped though... you know, getting all of this out! Sometimes I FEEL LIKE A SCARED LITTLE BOY!!
Thanks for listening, and i would appreciate any feedback anyone could offer me.
Have a blessed day and a Merry Christmas,
Josh