And gone are the three f*cking fabulous night's of blue cheese and sleep as the penny pinching prison burn returns along with the usual relentless insomnia. Initially I get angry shakes, cry and wanna break shit, secondly I'm suffocated by my darkest fears which at the moment mostly seem to revolve around my next police interview looming on the 21st of this month. I wanna do this interview about as much as I wanna f*ck Donald trump cos there's nothing I want less than to be responsible for anyone losing their freedom even if they were largely responsible for the years of torture (I'm giving that word the full respect it deserves ) I endured growing up. But my abusers have me in check mate, they have my little girl and the only way I can protect her is to trowel through decade's of medical evidence with the cops whilst internally begging for spontanius death on the spot and hopefully have her C.P.O.'d and safe. Thirdly, well thanks to trusty old reliable insomnia i have all night to tell you about thirdly. I guess thirdly is a similar principle to sword swallowing; the sword remains a deadly weapon and yet is able to be swallowed without slitting the throught and insomnia reaches a point where I can swallow these fears without constricting my throught and actually think about shit I want to think about it. My perfect boy has barely any movement on the left side of his body and laboured movement on his right. He finds a great deal of comfort in me massaging him and that has inspired me to plan to set up a group offering theraputic massage to children with movement restrictive disabilities. However I am aware of how widespread an issue movement restrictive disabilities are and how it rranges from hard to impossible for families of children with these disabilities to travel for treatments (especially as I wish this group to reach as far as developing countries such as Ghana whose disabled children are often murdered or abused and neglected rather than helped) So I have no intention of starting this project in a stationery building as I intend to do the travelling myself (and the long suffering hubby when I fill him in in the morning with most marriages I guess its the other way round lol) and to reach in person all the children that would benefit from this free service and for that I need a f*cking bus; four f*cking wheels (although personally I make it five including the steering wheel) and a f*cking seat.