If I've felt suicidal after every therapy session for the past 5-7 weeks, should I quit?

Ericcy

New Here
Title. I most recently attempted suicide after the session two weeks ago, and I'm tempted again today. It makes me feel hopeless. Like it will never help me. All we've talked about for six weeks is school. I haven't been eating correctly, I attempted suicide, I'm having nightmares, I'm self harming, and my therapist has no idea. All because we are talking about school and not things that matter to me.

And yes, I have tried changing the subject. She's responded (mildly aggressive but I might be overreacting) by saying that we need to talk about these things (school. it's just school) and got upset when I said I have a school counselor to talk about school with. It's Christmas Break and we're talking about school. I don't even have school. I don't do bad in school. I get A's and B's. I don't know why we talk about school when I've been trying so hard to push to finally start EMDR.

I want to quit so bad. I felt better when I wasn't in therapy. But I don't know if I should just stick it out. I know too many people that would be dissapointed if I stopped going, and I don't want to unload another five month's worth of information onto another therapist right now. So I really would be quitting. What do I do?
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Ericcy, welcome to the site. What does matter to you? What do YOU want to talk about? I think that you should tell your therapist that this is making you feel suicidal and self harm and base your reaction on her response. Are you personally paying for the therapy yourself? Therapy can be uncomfortable when dealing with specific subjects but if it's having this effect on you then this needs to be addressed/questioned with your therapist.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
This is a hard one. The therapist is not meeting your needs and leaving you to handle too much afterward. I like what @Survivor3 said!!! You wouldn't be 'quitting therapy' you would be finding someone who can help you. And yes, starting over is a hassle, but if it saves your life and gives you a safe place to get well, then accept the hassle.

I am so sorry you are having to go thru this and not be heard.

You are under no obligation to stay with anyone who is not helping and won't let you guide your own recovery. Thank you for letting us know how bad things are. We will be here for you in the meantime. We are not professionals but we do have a lot of people here who will listen and help if we can. A lot of experience here on this forum. And people willing to walk with you until you find a new T and even afterward.

Sending gentle hugs if you accept and we DID hear you!!
 

Friday

Moderator
I wouldn’t say to quit therapy because you’re experiencing a symptom spike after a session... because that’s absolutely normal with trauma therapy... I WOULD say to fire any therapist who isn’t helping you DEAL with those symptom spikes, and find a better therapist.


and I don't want to unload another five month's worth of information onto another therapist right now
Of course you don’t. Avoidance of all things trauma, is actually a symptom OF this disorder.

It’s also a sign that your therapist sucks, even beyond the fact that they’re pushing you so hard and so fast that you’re experiencing unmanaged symptom spikes, to the point of attempting suicide, and still they keep pushing instead of backing waaaaaay the hell up to stabilize you, first. As if you’d been working with a GOOD therapist? The past 5 months wouldn’t be so painful/scary & full of razor edged HELL NO!!! that working wih a better therapist sounds like a bad option.

If your brakes went out, so you took your car to a mechanic who not only didn’t fix your breaks, but broke your transmission? Would you let the idiot keep working on your car? To screw up your electrical system, and then your drive train? Or would you take your car to a better mechanic? Or stay with the bad mechanic, since they’ve already spent months on your car? You’d find a better mechanic, yes? And dump the moron? YOU are more important & valuable than a car, and deserve to work with someone who actually knows what the heck they’re doing.
 
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Taylor27

Learning
Welcome to the forum Ericcy, I would not quit therapy. You deserve to keep going. I hope your therapist will allow you to talk about what you need to talk about. If not there are other really good therapists out there. I can relate to how you are feeling please do not give up it's good you have posted here. Hugs
 

Sunshin

New Here
This happened to me years ago. I had a therapist and we didn't work well together. It was a polite enough relationship but I was always left feeling rubbish afterwards. I can't identify any reason why i felt like that, it just didn't work. Try a different therapist and see if the problem resolves itself. It did for me.
 
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