If Something Bad Happens When You Are Dissociated, and You Can’t Feel It, Do You Feel it Later when the Dissociation Ends?

EveHarrington

MyPTSD Pro
So event “A” happened and sent me into what I call extended dissociation (this may last awhile), and thus I really feel nothing.

Along comes event “B” that would normally be quite devastating, but I feel nothing.

Will I react to event “B” once the dissociation ends? It may last a long time. (Months+)

Thank you

I honestly hope I never feel anything about event “B”
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Maybe you will feel something about event B when you are able to deal with it as it sounds dealing with event A is more than enough right now?

You know Event B happened, and you're writing about it, which means it has meaning for you? And if there is meaning there is emotion?
IMO.

Hope you are doing ok.
 

coraxxx

Sponsor
Yeah, generally the event will later hit me like a thousand bricks and I'll feel triggered and all, but with a delay. Generally for me it's more days or weeks than months.

Some events eventually get stuck until they fall in what I call the memory dump; at that moment I can literally see memories go down the drain in my own head. As if they were catching fire or something. The more I try to access them the blurriest they get and at the end the feelings associated with them can either go dormant or migrate out but with no image associated with it. Sometimes I can carefully reconstruct and suspect it's something to do with memory x or y but it's partial or how we say in computer thingies, uh, corrupted. Lots of processing work go into understanding from where all this shit comes and goes.

But overall I'm happy I did dissociate in these moments too, especially when it stays there. I don't get to the point to believe it actually didn't exist but then recalling the blur isn't too painful. What I don't like is random resurfacing, also generally for short periods of time and they'd trigger dissociation too so I'll fizzle blank for a few minutes and reboot, frankly quote close to something like a blue screen of death.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
my own dissociation comes in as much variety as the events which trigger it and is deeply connected to my lifelong habit of repressing memories.

each spin of this not-so-merry-go-round is unique in my own case.

steadying support while you sort your own pattern.
 

StillPen

MyPTSD Pro
For me, yes. I call them body memories and have to process them as I would any other trauma, usually with my T. I know what the trauma is based on where I feel the sensation in my body, if that makes sense. The more I can feel the sensation, the more triggered I know I am. Hope that helps.
 
Yes, I suspect I have felt the pain of my abuse and only afterwards, due to the ending of my dissociation.

In regards to my own CSA, which I suspect, had always been entirely non-contact abuse by my father — I have no memories of physical pain nor of never being touched inappropriately. However…

Something about these non-contact CSA experiences lead me to dissociate — if not to block physical pain then, perhaps, to block my emotional pain. Once the CSA incident and my accompanying dissociation had ended, all that likely remained had been my free-floating, ungrounded, painful emotions which seemed to randomly occur, as if, out of nowhere and for no apparent reason.

In the past, I’ve sometimes felt, as if, I were about to suddenly die. Or I’d feel an intense inner rage yet, be unable to identify the source of my rage. I was then also in denial of my sexual abuse.

Perhaps, the emotional pain I was suffering during my CSA had been blocked during my dissociation and then, only later experienced, as frightening, free-floating, ungrounded panic attacks. I’d suffered many panic attacks until my early 30s.

Interestingly, my father’s sexually abusive behavior towards me also subsided during that same time, as well, as my CSA related dissociations.
 

coraxxx

Sponsor
Actually funnily enough I experienced a mini version of this today. Someone has shown the picture of a horrible insect at work and the fear pumped in only one to two seconds afterwards, once I realized it wasn't really there and that it was harmless, and only then I responded to the fear having a short scream. But I could literally feel the brakes firming in and then out.
 
I’m wondering, if, my many frightening panic attacks might had been the 'painful' after-effect of my many non-contact sexual abuse experiences by my father. These random panic attacks, seemed to occur from out of nowhere. Interestingly, these ended around the same time my father’s sexual abuse ended, as well, as my related dissociations. So, I’m wondering, if, there’s were related.

My ‘pain’ would have likely been purely emotional since I hadn’t been physically touched during my abuse. And without any body memories I might have very easily and immediately forgotten these experiences ever happened — or at least consciously.

During these panic attacks, I’d feel as if, my life were threatened by an invisible invading entity and that I’d soon die, if, this entity didn’t soon leave me. Had this intense fear represented my feelings about my abuser (my father) which I’d blocked from my awareness during dissociation. Just wondering, because these intense panic attacks never returning.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
I can't tell its going on when it's happening. I think the secondary ones just extended dysregulation. Somewhere in my head there is a reaction to B but because of dysregulation it's pretty numb because I'm already dysregulated.

Thinking back this has happened a lot and I could never understand what was going on just that I didn't react to things I should have in the way I should have.
 
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