barefoot
MyPTSD Pro
I’ve just tried to explain this to my partner and I don’t think I articulated it very well and she didn’t really get what I was saying (though was supportive anyway!) So, I thought I’d try and think it through here!
When I am ill, I often find fixating on body stuff more challenging than the actually feeling unwell part…
Eg I have Covid again at the moment. I have been feeling pretty rough, have lost income as too poorly to work at the mo, but I am also a fairly patient patient. So, it’s a bit rubbish and not ideal, but it’s not horrendous and, with a bit more rest, I’m sure I’ll be on the up again fairly soon.
However, I have a tendency to focus on my body being contaminated / infected / putrid etc, and that becomes quite anxiety-making.
So, I’ve had quite a few GI symptoms. Nausea, being sick, sharp abdominal pains, trotting to the loo a lot… It has been unpleasant! But I also get over focused on my body being contaminated and my insides being rotten. Like something had invaded my body and contaminated it and made it putrid and disgusting.
I woke up this morning with what looks like the start of a stye on one eyelid. It’s a tiny bit sore, but not causing me any real bother physically at this point. But I notice I have had lots of thoughts about infection festering on my eye. So, now my eye feels contaminated too…so ‘it’ is spreading…And that thought bothers me much more than the (currently very mild) physical discomfort of the lump.
I don’t really know why I’m posting or what I’m needing/wanting…I just know that this sense of my body being invaded or infected or contaminated… is quite anxiety-making and that it tends to be a pattern for me when I get unwell. And I don’t think it’s helpful. And yet, that’s where my thoughts and focus keep going…
I brought up the idea of my body feeling disgusting and wanting to step out of my skin/body with my T a few months ago…which wasn’t about being unwell. I can’t really remember now where we got to with that. But I think, when it’s tied up with illness, it’s also tapping into this general sense I feel about my body being…yuck… I’m not sure what would be helpful for me to do about this?
Sorry, a bit of a ramble post. Not sure if much of that has made sense? And not sure what I need here really. It just feels quite difficult at the moment.
When I am ill, I often find fixating on body stuff more challenging than the actually feeling unwell part…
Eg I have Covid again at the moment. I have been feeling pretty rough, have lost income as too poorly to work at the mo, but I am also a fairly patient patient. So, it’s a bit rubbish and not ideal, but it’s not horrendous and, with a bit more rest, I’m sure I’ll be on the up again fairly soon.
However, I have a tendency to focus on my body being contaminated / infected / putrid etc, and that becomes quite anxiety-making.
So, I’ve had quite a few GI symptoms. Nausea, being sick, sharp abdominal pains, trotting to the loo a lot… It has been unpleasant! But I also get over focused on my body being contaminated and my insides being rotten. Like something had invaded my body and contaminated it and made it putrid and disgusting.
I woke up this morning with what looks like the start of a stye on one eyelid. It’s a tiny bit sore, but not causing me any real bother physically at this point. But I notice I have had lots of thoughts about infection festering on my eye. So, now my eye feels contaminated too…so ‘it’ is spreading…And that thought bothers me much more than the (currently very mild) physical discomfort of the lump.
I don’t really know why I’m posting or what I’m needing/wanting…I just know that this sense of my body being invaded or infected or contaminated… is quite anxiety-making and that it tends to be a pattern for me when I get unwell. And I don’t think it’s helpful. And yet, that’s where my thoughts and focus keep going…
I brought up the idea of my body feeling disgusting and wanting to step out of my skin/body with my T a few months ago…which wasn’t about being unwell. I can’t really remember now where we got to with that. But I think, when it’s tied up with illness, it’s also tapping into this general sense I feel about my body being…yuck… I’m not sure what would be helpful for me to do about this?
Sorry, a bit of a ramble post. Not sure if much of that has made sense? And not sure what I need here really. It just feels quite difficult at the moment.