Still Standing
MyPTSD Pro
I have spent hours on filling out an ABC worksheet concerning a returning memory and acting out a flashback episode, today. That was hard enough but then I am supposed to fill out a CBT Challenging Beliefs worksheet on it. As hard as I try, I cannot fill them out. I understand the broad concept but when it comes to details, my mind shuts down and I find myself staring at the paper. I get so upset at myself for "not getting it". Today's efforts put me into a panic and I had to stop and do my breathing. Then I walked away from the assignment, feeling like I was a failure and not wanting to go to therapy. But, I returned to the homework tonight and got half of the sheet done only to believe that the rest of the worksheet does not apply to the memory and flashback. Again, the incomplete assignment makes me upset at myself. I just don't get the detailing. I go blank. Tonight's experience made me think that I should simply bail on therapy and let the dust settle where it may. This makes me feel like I am back in school, having to take and pass exams. In true "stuck point" character, I struggle with feeling like I am flunking out. Ugh. I need a tudor for my homework! I am stressing out in order to get rid of the PTSD stress!!! Double ugh! This seems to be never-ending.