I'm losing it, anxiety horrible

Strangelongtrip

MyPTSD Pro
The last two nights the anxiety has been bad, but tonight it's horrific. I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack any minute. I'm having so much happen, two possible moves, a trip, moving from my childhood home, family issues and I think this is an anniversary date of a rape. I also am back down to a weight that I was when I was raped last and I'm just really, really struggling. My T is also out for two weeks due to health issues and I haven't seen him in weeks because he switched practices. I can't breathe I can't think I can barely read. I wish I could just cry but I'm too anxious to do that too. Everything feels like a threat. I don't know what else to do I journaled listened to music and calming music, I'm scared to take a shower or bath bc I don't want to see my body. I want to curl up in a ball and give up. I hate this.
 

Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
Can you take a shower without looking at your body, in the dark, or dressed?

Crying is okay, you won't fall apart just because you feel like it. :tup::hug:

You *can* breathe... it's just anxiety too high talking - is there something to help you slow down and not think of anything a sec?

Because it can, and will, wait there just fine.

You're having a hard day, in no way you're losing it ;) Just having a harder time coping, but that will even out in a bit.
 

Strangelongtrip

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you @Ronin I wasn't able to do a shower, but getting under a weighted blanket with a heating pad was good for self soothing. Laying in bed is the only thing I can do to not think haha, I've tried mediations and all too which help some but not all. I let myself sleep in today too. I know I need to rest, but my usual coping is to work constantly to avoid emotions and I think I slipped back into that. I had a really emotionally taxing weekend too. I set an alarm for the morning that I can't work on anything until then to try to help me relax.
 

Strangelongtrip

MyPTSD Pro
I rested all morning and had some successes planning things that make me happy this afternoon, along with getting work done! It seems to hit me when the sun goes down. I feel worst when the sun goes down. I used to go to sleep before the sun went down during this time of the year but if I did that now I'd wake up at 3am and that wouldn't help me either. It's horrible anxiety. I know that must be a trigger: night at this time of year was a sure sign of what was to come. I'll keep doing my breathing exercises.
 

pam4him

Confident
So sorry you are struggling. Kudos on trying to use some coping skills, even if they only offer short term relief. As for the shower, throw a towel over that mirror, bath in low light. Another trick is to try to associate the triggers with something positive, kind of retrain your brain. Make it the anniversary of staying alive during a traumatic event. It takes work, but try to find something positive from triggers. Maybe a good cry would help. One thing I learned in therapy - it's okay to have an anxiety attack. It's the body's way of letting go of hurt. What I found was that they were less intense when I stopped fighting them. Just something to try. Hang in there! P Prayers for peace and strength.
 

Strangelongtrip

MyPTSD Pro
That's really helpful thank you @pam4him ! I actually have some cupcakes, I could put a candle on them and celebrate 5 years free!! I've been crying most nights, that seems to help. Yesterday I went to sleep early because I couldn't handle the anxiety anymore. I'll try the shower with low light this evening! I was able to do a bath yesterday but was still really anxious.
 

RussellSue

MyPTSD Pro
The last two nights the anxiety has been bad, but tonight it's horrific. I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack any minute. I'm having so much happen, two possible moves, a trip, moving from my childhood home, family issues and I think this is an anniversary date of a rape. I also am back down to a weight that I was when I was raped last and I'm just really, really struggling. My T is also out for two weeks due to health issues and I haven't seen him in weeks because he switched practices. I can't breathe I can't think I can barely read. I wish I could just cry but I'm too anxious to do that too. Everything feels like a threat. I don't know what else to do I journaled listened to music and calming music, I'm scared to take a shower or bath bc I don't want to see my body. I want to curl up in a ball and give up. I hate this.

It's been a few days since you posted but I thought I would offer what little I can. I bought some weighted items: a weighted lap pad, weighted blanket and weighted belt. When I can force myself to sit down that lap pad is amazing. It really does help me for peak times.

The other best case thing for me is intense exercise. I feel a whole lot better if I either feel like I can kick the shit out of something or at least feel like one hell of a badass after I am done. It gets me out of the powerless mindset that I get into when I am anxious.

I hope you are feeling better.
 
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