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I'm Never Going To Be OK Am I?

Discussion in 'General' started by slhlilbit, Feb 21, 2007.

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  1. slhlilbit

    slhlilbit Active Member

    well i guess that with my ptsd and other health problems i am never going to be ok, just when i think i can do this i cant handel any more.
    I dont want to be like this. hate the mood swings, nightmares, anxiaty, depression, no matter what i do its not enough. its not the right time or i just cant do it. my multiple sclerosis is getting worse and the dr.s tell me i have it then i dont. my mris conferm it. i need to be on something to stop this. my ptsd effects my ms and vivaversa. i just dont know what to do anymore. im thinking of just giving up, dont think things will get better. i dont mean ending my life just want to crawl in to a place where no one can hurt me anymore.:cuckoo:
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  3. YoungAndAngry

    YoungAndAngry Well-Known Member

    Hey slhlilbit... sounds like everythings just sucks right now.
    With the MS, it get's better, then flares up again... just like with PTSD.
    I personally don't have MS, but a very close family member of mine does.

    You're wrong about one thing though... you can do it.
    You've made it this far, you are a survivor.
    Bad days/weeks/months unfortunatly do happen...
    Just remember things are going to get better,
    until then, take it moment by moment, or second-by-second

    And... most importantly, take care of yourself!
  4. PtsdSpokane

    PtsdSpokane Member

    I know you will be ok. I know it can be really bad sometimes, and MS is tough to deal with. I don't pretend to know what you are going through, but I know that you have to be an incredibly strong person in order to have made it this far. Dont give up now kiddo ;)
  5. slhlilbit

    slhlilbit Active Member

    thanks for your support. I know it's got to be ok. it just gets hard sometimes. i dont go out dont have alot of friends just one that i have known for 15 years and my family. so i dont really have many people to talk to. and i cant talk to my family about my problems as they all have problems of there own. and i know you all do to but this is a great way to vent.
  6. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    hey, hang in there. by the way, welcome to the forum. there are others here that have ms too. maybe they can help you out some.
  7. slhlilbit

    slhlilbit Active Member

    OK i know never is a long time.

    :crazy: i just keep beating myself up. i cant do the things people think i should be able to do. I dont want to hurt anyone but am at a place were i need someoutside advice. i cant afford the tests and meds that the dr.'s want me to take so i am going back to the va. I really do not trust them but i have no other choice. i let my brother move here and stay with me and my son.
    I love my brother and want to help him but it is hard. i am disabled my son had a cerebreal hemorage at 2 mo. and he has brain damage. taking care of my self my son and my house is hard enough but now i have another person and i just dont know what to do. I guess just take baby steps.
  8. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Correct, "never" means something will not occur during your existence. Keep thinking like that, and nothing will change. "Never" is a negative thinking style, just like "can't" and lots of other words. People tell themselves these things enough, and guess what? They believe them! A bit hard to get better when you believe its "impossible" before you actually put in a great deal of effort.
  9. beatle_bailey

    beatle_bailey Active Member

    welcome back slhlilbit

    Thanks for your thoughts ,, ,, I never got to welcome you ether ,, ,, so
    :hello: Hello and Welcome ,,, ,, the other day I read some where on this forum some thing like this ,, ,, ,, some of the strongest and wizest people have come through some of the worst and hardest places or trama's

    I wish I could find it again ,, Because it said the words soooo much better ,, and it ment so much more to me ,,,,

    here lately I have bin feeling alot like the way you discribe ,, ,, Kinda trapped ,, ,, ,, I will be as strong as I can and pray for strenth for you too

    Beatle ,, ,, ,,, PS, Be :cool: lilbit !!
  10. slhlilbit

    slhlilbit Active Member

    i know i have been working on understanding ptsd and didnt admit thats what was wrong for a long time. i have just realy begun counceling over the past year. i ran from the truth about me far to long. im just going on the truth and thats where im going to stand.
  11. Nam

    Nam I'm a VIP

    I know it feels as if there will not be a way out, but hang in there...it does get better. Some of the most painful moments in my healing was when I had to mourn the loss of what I used to be. That process is incredibly painful but in my case, necessary. I had to have faith that I would be a better person when I came out the other side, but I had to let go of the person I used to be. There is no way, after significant trauma and ptsd to return to the person you used to be. It just doesn't work that way. We learn from our past experiences and that trauma is apart of you now. If you really work on the trauma, you will get rid of the stress, which will get rid of the disorder. What you have left is just post trauma. And that is your goal.

    One of the great (out of many) pluses to this forum is that you can meet people in different stages of the journey. You can name the people who have survived the worst of it. I have been on this forum long enough to see the change in people from the worst to having crawled out and now helping others that are where they used to be. You'll get there. Just have faith in yourself.

    ETA: Welcome to the forum!
  12. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    I read and reread this post for a while before I decided to post. I think the reason is for the longest time I felt the same way-like this was now my lot in life whether I liked it or not.

    But you can heal. There's been so many wonderful words written here. But I just wanted to add that it's tough, but you can heal.

    I saw a movie five or six years ago (can't remember the name), but the one line in that movie that has stuck with me for all these years is: 'Sometimes when a wound is very deep, the healing hurts as much or more than what caused the wound.'

    Hang in there and welcome to the forum.
  13. slhlilbit

    slhlilbit Active Member

    healing and helping others

    Thats why im here. i want to heal . living with ptsd is hard. i take everything personal. sometimes i am ok then for no apparent reason i start shaking and want to cry. i want to have a normal relationship with someone. after christmas i got in touch with a guy i knew in 1979. i found my self in my car on my way to go see him for new years eve. when i got there we were both so happy to see eachother but i couldent let him touch me. we huged when i got there but i was so uncomfortable that i left after i got enough rest and went to my sisters house to bring in the new year. while i was at her restrant i was a bundel of nerves. why cant i trust anyone? how can i expect for people who dont even know me to help me heal? Why do small things upset me so bad? I am a mess.:dontknow: :doh:
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