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I'm New Here...Wife of PTSD Vet

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by JarheadWife, Oct 10, 2007.

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  1. JarheadWife

    JarheadWife New Member

    My name is Nikki, and I am married to a Corporal in the United States Marine Corps. He returned from Iraq this past March, and frankly, now, in Oct., our marriage is hanging on by a very thin thread. He's angry constantly, volatile, cruel, over-discipling our kids, downright mean to me, and he won't even make an ounce of effort towards anything regarding our life, unless it is something that He himself has decided is worthy of his time. He has a massive superiority complex, and he's just rude. He wakes in the night, violent, angry, nightmares and night terrors haunting him perhaps. He sometimes is in a stage of unconciousness and he gets up and wanders around. I can't dare wake him, or he snaps.
    During the day, everyone [my kids and I] are terrified knowing he will come home. We never know how he will react when he walks in the door. Usually it's instant anger and he begins to rant and rave about how we are failures. I had a tough past, made mistakes. I also have a few mental issues, which are and have been long dealt with, and I'm on medication. I know that seems to infuriate him. He constantly berates me, and calls me names. He's always been a bit rough around the edges, but he's become downright....unbearable.
    I'm on the verge of hysteria, I don't know what to do anymore...any suggestions? I am going to call the Chaplain tomorrow, just to talk to someone, I can't live in this hell anymore. I feel like my husband has become some horrible dictator, and that's not what love, or marriage should be. I love my husband, and I want our marriage to last forever.:dontknow:
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  3. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    Welcome Nikki,

    You have found a terrific place for help and understanding....It would be wonderful if your husband could just stop and things would be great again.....First he would need to accept that there is a problem with him....

    Take care of yourself and your children.....That also is very important....

    Hopefully the Chaplin will have some answers for you..
  4. Mayhem

    Mayhem Active Member


    Welcome to the PTSD forum.

    I feel for you, the reason being. My wife had to deal with, and is dealing with My PTSD that I got while serving during the first Gulf war. Every thing you said she has gone though.

    Allow Me to explain, when your husband was Iraq, He was "always" on the look out for "bad guys" tring to kill him and His fellow Marines. He was and from what you said still is over there.

    what do I mean that He is still over there?
    I'll use Myself as an explain. I know that I am home , however, My mind is still over there, still fighting, being shoot at. Anything can cause My flash backs, sight, sound, smell.

    I just found this out a few days ago.

    When someone is being shoot at, brain chemicals kick in, these are called adrenaline and endrorphines. These keep you alert, however they are toxic.

    Your husband subconcously needs that rush. He is used to yelling, being shoot at,running or ducking for his life, very stressful. But here in the states He cant get that rush. So "maybe" or "more then likely" he is doing these things to get that rush, without knowing about it.

    I wish you the best Nikki, and hope that, whatever higher power that you belive in, leads your husband to get the help he needs.

  5. 2quilt

    2quilt I'm a VIP

    Hello Nikki,
    Welcome to a healing forum! We are so glad you found us! I am a Desert Storm disabled vet with PTSD, and I can agree with Mayhem that my mind is still there in the trauma, reliving it. The first step your husband has to do is to admit he has a problem, which is not the same as a weakness (Marines are never weak) and that he needs help solving this problem. Put it to him this way: He is part of a team, just like he was during the war, but now, the team includes healthcare professionals who are trained to deal with the aftermath of war, and what war naturally does to humanbeings' brains. His mission is to work with his team to solve this problem within his personal life.
    I wish I had more time to talk to you now, but I leave for Greece Saturday. I will write more to you when I get back 5 November. I will be thinking about you. The others on the forum will support you too. Right, everybody?
  6. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Welcome to the forum Nikki.

  7. reallydown

    reallydown I'm a VIP

    Hi Nikki,

    Unfortunately I can't say anythign really encouraging...Welcome to the forum though I sincerely wish we were all chatting here under different circumstances...There is alot of info here so hopefully it'll be helpful. I really hope your husband gets better but he'll never forget his expereinces there. Glad you found this forum though. take care.
  8. Palakika

    Palakika New Member

    Hi Nikki,

    Welcome, I just wanted to let you know that one resource that you can look into are Vet Centers, I was very leary of going to VA Hospitals thought they might keep me (I find that funny now). Once I accepted that I could no longer do it on my own I went to the VA Hospital, eventually I heard about the Vet Centers and I now prefer them. If I'm not mistaken they are able to help you too...
  9. nie

    nie Wishing for wings to fly. Premium Member Donated

    :hello: Welcome
  10. mortiis31

    mortiis31 Active Member

    stick with your hubby please - for him and for you, yet most importantly - for you kiddies.

    I know about being hostile, angry, cruel.... I treat my partner sometimes like a piece of dirt, yet she has come to understand that as part of an ongoing condition with me and a lot of other people here.

    I am not asking you to put up with blatant abuse, darl - just try to calm him down, tell him you understand, try to learn some things about what he's suffering with...

  11. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    There is a great Carers section on the forum with many wives to those with PTSD. You can find a lot of wonderful support and information in that section. Welcome to the forum.
  12. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Welcome to the forum.

  13. seriously

    seriously Member

    Hi. I'm new here too. I am dealing with much of the same issues that you are. Only my dh has been diagnosed with this horrific disorder. Also, it is fortunate that we(my children and myself) don't live with him. The only thing I can offer up as advice is to get help. If he is doing all this, he definitely needs help. Whether it be from a chaplain who has spent time over there(because many don't want to talk to those who don't have a clue) or a pshychiatrist.

    Your dh is in there somewhere. That is what I keep telling myself. Don't push. Don't nag. That will set up triggers for the "flight or fight" effect. And by the sounds of it the later will ensue. The most important is to realize the need for patience. Luckily for me, I have a lot of that. Plus, I love him so much that I refuse to give up on him-or our family.

    Good luck. I will be sending up lots of prayers for you.
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