I'm not sure what type of flashback

Dougall-B

New Here
Hi,
I have had what I believe are emotional flashbacks for over 25 years now.

I re-live past situations which are nearly always relate to verbal situations which have left problems with me. These verbal situations have mostly not be violent or endangering in any way but I have disliked the other persons comments / conversations. Many of these conversations took place 30+ years ago.

I appear to become triggered (but do not know how) and re-live these conversations which cause me a lot of bad feeling. Often, I want to say things to the person which was not said at the time.

I have no idea what this condition is. I often wonder if it is some kind of PTSD, CPTSD or something else?

Any help or guidance would be appreciated.

Dougall
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello dougall. welcome to the forum.

in my own psychotherapy sessions, we call these, "intrusive thoughts." my own tend to run in such tight and repetitive circles that i, personally, call them, "thought loops." sometimes they jump from one memory to the next in such random sequences that i call them, "fissuring."

steadying support while you figure what it is in your own case. i'll second the notion of contacting a professional for analysis of the phenom in your own case. a patient who diagnoses themselves has a fool for a doctor.
 
I'm not sure what the consequences would be other than you would be able to receive help specifically targeted to those issues. Assuming you have PTSD if you don't actually have PTSD is going to make your life much, much worse than it would otherwise need to be.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I appear to become triggered (but do not know how) and re-live these conversations which cause me a lot of bad feeling. Often, I want to say things to the person which was not said at the time.

I have no idea what this condition is. I often wonder if it is some kind of PTSD, CPTSD or something else?
It sounds to me like rumination - this happens when a person turns a situation or a memory over and over in their mind to the point where it feels like they can't stop replaying it. Imagining saying things other than what was said, usually things that the person thinks might have changed the outcome in some way, if they'd said them then.

Rumination is a symptom found in many different disorders - but, it's also a behavior that most people do engage in, as well. It becomes a problem when it begins to interfere with a person's present-day relationships, activities, wants, and needs. From the way you describe it, it's hard to tell how it's affecting you.

Do you feel like it's getting in the way of you living your life the way you'd like to live it? You said it's causing bad feelings - can you write. a bit about how those bad feelings affect your behaviors?
 

Dougall-B

New Here
It may be being human.

I’ve yet to meet a person without a disorder who doesn’t experience this.
Yes, I know many people experience and re-live negative thoughts but in my case I can't permanently escape from them. It's like unfinished business from the past

It sounds to me like rumination - this happens when a person turns a situation or a memory over and over in their mind to the point where it feels like they can't stop replaying it. Imagining saying things other than what was said, usually things that the person thinks might have changed the outcome in some way, if they'd said them then.

Rumination is a symptom found in many different disorders - but, it's also a behavior that most people do engage in, as well. It becomes a problem when it begins to interfere with a person's present-day relationships, activities, wants, and needs. From the way you describe it, it's hard to tell how it's affecting you.

Do you feel like it's getting in the way of you living your life the way you'd like to live it? You said it's causing bad feelings - can you write. a bit about how those bad feelings affect your behaviors?
Thanks joeylittle, Rumination: yes, this is very close to what I’m experiencing. I know exactly what was said and really want the opportunity to add new dialog or change that situation in some way to being more satisfactory, which of course I cannot. These events often relate to petty, insignificant life events/conversations which most people would have forgotten about 5 minutes later, but for me are associated with offence and have left a mental wound which has not healed.

I've started to do some online research on Rumination as I think this is more likely my condition rather that flashbacks.

Do you feel like it's getting in the way of you living your life the way you'd like to live it? You said it's causing bad feelings - can you write. a bit about how those bad feelings affect your behaviors?
Does not affect my occupational work, mild impact to none on family life as the condition is hidden and kept mostly self-contained.

My wife has awareness of my condition but has until now taken the view that this is all related to things like work stress, ‘needing a break’, stop doing whatever I’m currently doing, and it will be fine. When I talk about specific episodes, she says that these things are in the past, they can’t hurt you and have nothing to do with the present now, they’re history. As much as I agree with this, these episodes are still in my present, but I need to leave them in the past where they belong. This of course is the challenge I face.

The condition manifests itself in two major ways:

Firstly, what I could call an episodical storm, that is many episodes in a day, with episodes seemingly having no relationship to my present environment. What I mean by this is that I do not get word association triggers from the present to the past, for example.

Secondly, days when virtually none or few episodes occur, this is good day. I can also go many days when very few episodes occur if any.

As an example of a bad episode, I could be sitting at a desk with my laptop and then a few seconds later find myself walking around the room during the playback of this episode and not really remember leaving the desk. There is never any outward aggression shown, it’s all self-contained and other people do not see this. Sometimes I can be within a group of people when this occurs, and they are not aware of my episodical event.

In the past I have tried to understand if the condition is related to alcohol consumption, stress, diet or any other environmental factors and whether these can be considered triggers or contributors in some way.

I never really did a full analysis of this, but should do, so that I can understand the condition better. Writing now on this forum, I can see how difficult it is to relate this to others but it’s something I need to be able to do especially if I move into therapy at some point in the future.
 

Dougall-B

New Here
I'm not sure what the consequences would be other than you would be able to receive help specifically targeted to those issues. Assuming you have PTSD if you don't actually have PTSD is going to make your life much, much worse than it would otherwise need to be.
somerandomguy, I have been scared of coming out with this in case it could lead to problems in the family, medications which makes things worse, loss of job etc.
 
somerandomguy, I have been scared of coming out with this in case it could lead to problems in the family, medications which makes things worse, loss of job etc.
That sounds like catastrophizing to me. Most people who ask for help actually do end up getting some kind of help. It's obviously doing you no good to just keep it all inside; that's actively making life worse for you.
 

Dougall-B

New Here
That sounds like catastrophizing to me. Most people who ask for help actually do end up getting some kind of help. It's obviously doing you no good to just keep it all inside; that's actively making life worse for you.
I'm hoping that I will get some help on this forum. I need to take things a step at a time and see if I can do for myself before getting any so called professional help.
 

Weemie

MyPTSD Pro
The only way it would be PTSD is if you meet the current diagnostic criteria of PTSD, which these experiences that you have spoken of already do not qualify for. Take a look over the diagnostic criteria and pay attention to criterion A, which is an actual or perceived threat to your physical wellbeing or sexual trauma. If you meet crit A, these could be trigger responses relative to PTSD. If you don't meet crit A, they may be trigger responses relative to adjustment disorder, OCD, depression, substance use disorder, or any number of other things that would require professional (so, you're not going to get an answer on an internet forum) assessment to suss out.
 
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