I'm on sick leave my boss wants to talk to me

Pink Freud

Learning
Hey everyone,
I started a new job in June. A couple of weeks ago I started tailspinning. The only things I could still manage was me, dog, job. With every week it got worse. To the point where I checked myself into the hospital over weekends and negotiated my way out on Sunday so I could go to work the next day. I'm the only employee and I feel horrible for being on sick leave right now but I stopped functioning. My boss knows I suffer from depression and I also mentioned PTSD once. I told him because I'm so sick and tired of keeping it a secret and trying so hard to be Miss Normal.

He texts me daily. Today I told him that I know how hard it is for people who don't have a mental illness to understand it but that I am really not able to work this week. I'm not fired at least not yet but he wants me to come in for a talk tomorrow.

Feeling anxious about it is an understatement. I'm worried about getting fired. I'm worried about the talk itself because I don't have ANY boundaries at the moment. None. I know I'll start crying.
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
That sounds super stressful. There are wiser minds here who may have practical advise about your meeting with your boss. In the meantime, how can you take care of yourself? Would it help you to write some scripts down so you have some possible, planned things to say to your boss?
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
i am wondering if you are being too quick to AssUMe that you boss is as normal/insensitive as you as you are assuming. just wondering. . . i am a boss who is openly comfortable discussing my mental illness, yet the majority of the folks around me dress me in normal boss stereotypes, anyway. i reckon i'm easier to understand as a stereotype than as a person who balances the challenges of mental illness and financial independence.

just wondering if it would be worth keeping an open mind and heart when go in to talk to the boss.

steadying support while you decide what is right for you.
 

Pink Freud

Learning
how can you take care of yourself? Would it help you to write some scripts down so you have some possible, planned things to say to your boss?
I went for a walk with the dog. He can walk me out of pain and into my best possible thought.
As long as I'll go for the truth I don't need a script. I will start crying with or without script.

Are you in the US? Can you apply for family leave? He shouldn't be bothering you when you are on leave. You seem to have gone above and beyond to stay in this job, can you quit?
Europe. It's all I have as income and I'm already behind on paying bills for health insurance, so I can't quit.
I don't think he was trying to preassure me on purpose but it stressed me out. I already feel guilty for being on leave.

My first thought was. The meeting will have to wait until you are ready for it. Not sure if that's helpful.
Any constructive thought or advice is helpful and appreciated! Even if it’s not what I‘ll be doing it helps me figuring out what options I have and what to do as I don’t have anyone to bounce my ideas and thoughts of off right now.
If I don't go tomorrow, I'll carry that anxiety with me until I finally do.

i am wondering if you are being too quick to AssUMe (😅) that you boss is as normal/insensitive as you as you are assuming. just wondering. . .
I can't be certain until tomorrow. His reactions were mixed, when mental health came up as a topic. I'd be like "I suffer from depression/PTSD" and he'd be like "That can't be that bad...". I don't even consider it insensitive. It's just that people who haven't suffered form it don't get how tough things can get I guess. Even I myself forget how bad it feels when I'm relatively symptom free.

As i see it...
I'm overqualified and friggin good. I know it and I know that my boss knows it. I'm fast, efficient and reliable and I can't say no. I have little to no boundaries. If my boss calls me to come in early on the same day I skip shower and breakfast and will be there. If you need an employee who can teach herself a new skill over night with no pay to save you some money I'm your girl. My willingness to over-deliver is a nice bonus, having me as an employee. But my boss and his copartners don't need that necessesarily. My job is predominantly meaningless nonsense work and any other unskilled wage slave without mental health issues could do it. That's what I was hired for. They just need anyone to get the shit done they don't want to do or don't have time for.
My boss is kinda nice but first of all he's a business man and my mental health issues unfortunately costs the business money when I'm on sick leave. It's a small company that can't afford mental health issues of employees and I do understand that.

It's definitely worth keeping an open mind and heart but I'm still anxious about it.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Totally understandable this is causing anxiety.

I don't know what the situation is where you live in the world, but as a boss , when someone goes off sick I need to know:
What is the likely date for them to return, so that I can plan for a replacement or work out how I cover the work whilst they are off.
I also need to know the details of the sickness so that I can work out what support I need to provide them and create a 'return to work' plan.
I would also want to agree how me and the staff member communicate during the sick leave and how to keep me updated but also not cause them undue distress
And also, I would need to check the sickness policy and what sickness leave they are entitled to and be frank and honest about that.

I don't know if that helps any.

Has your boss said what it is they want to discuss in the meeting? Maybe asking for the details might help?
 

Pink Freud

Learning
It is helpful! It reassured me that I did everything I could and as always more than I had to. According to law I don't have to give any details about the cause of the leave or the diagnosis. I did even that. I replied to all messages that were about work that I did, even though I didn't have to. Laws say if you're sick, you are basically allowed to play dead until the day the leave ends. Most people I know who are somewhat healthy and resilient are doing exactly that.

The wording was along the lines of what to do about the situation.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
It's just that people who haven't suffered form it don't get how tough things can get I guess.

and how do you know he is one of the clueless masses? i've told fellow sufferers i've known from general situations and had them turn around and forget at their earliest convenience. there are not allot of outward signs to work from with this malady, even for the most intimately aware of us. company mind readers are in shorter supply than the rest of the work force.

I'm overqualified and friggin good. I know it and I know that my boss knows it. I'm fast, efficient and reliable and I can't say no. I have little to no boundaries. If my boss calls me to come in early on the same day I skip shower and breakfast and will be there. If you need an employee who can teach herself a new skill over night with no pay to save you some money I'm your girl. My willingness to over-deliver is a nice bonus, having me as an employee.

i turned this to my advantage in my own balancing of career and mental illness. i was hurting myself in the drive to over-perform. it is entirely possible to insert self-care into the equation so that i don't burn myself out to the point of being unable to perform. the best jobs are made, not found.
 

Pink Freud

Learning
and how do you know he is one of the clueless masses?
I don't know for certain, that's true. But a fellow sufferer replying "That can't be that bad" to disclosing a diagnosis is highly unlikely.
He also told me in another context that he doesn't know what it's like.

company mind readers are in shorter supply than the rest of the work force.
Can you elaborate what you mean by that?
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
even for the folks who know me intimately, my ptsd symptoms are seldom obvious and i can't expect anybody to read my mind. if someone needs to know i am in episode, i have to tell them, as straight up and clear as i can muster at the time. often times i don't have the presence of mind to speak up while the symptoms are present. on those occasions, i go back to make amends and/or explain later.
 
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