I'm scared that I'm losing my mind..

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Kaylove498

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I'm having a really hard time lately and I truly think I'm on the verge of losing my mind.

I was told about a month ago I deal with dpdr. For the most part I've gotten use to how it feels the out of body the unfamiliar feeling with myself and my surroundings. But for over a few weeks I can't seem to be on any type of normal schedule. I have some days were all I want to do is sleep then I have other days where I can't sleep at all even if I try.

I started therapy a couple weeks ago and this seems to get worse after therapy.

I have a bad fear of going insane or dying so it doesn't help when I feel completely lost. I have absolutely no sense of self. I have no schedule everyday is something different if it's not someone arguing in the household it's something going on with the other side of my family. I get a more intense feeling that I'm not here and that I don't care. I'm constantly exhausted physically and when I do try to sleep I wake up in a panic or I jump back up wide awake my body has been becoming numb physically. Things don't seem to make sense. People are starting to look odd to me.I stay in my room at all times I avoid getting up and going anywhere because I feel like physically I'm not here or if I do I'm scared I'll faint. My vision has been getting blurry and thing will look blurred like there is smoke around it even people have this odd look like there is a film or something over them.

I was doing the same thing everyday wake up search my symptoms go to sleep and repeat all day for over a month that's been my routine. Now that I'm in therapy I stay in my room for the most part until the day of therapy and the day of I get up go to therapy and walk around the house. This makes me feel better in the moment but then usually get tired and run back to my room to sleep and when I wake up I'm in this weird place like I'm in amazement that I walked around for a day which leads me in this weird place that I don't understand what's goin on or why it's happening, then the thoughts begin that I'm losing my mind or how weird everything looks.

Even the smallest thing disrupting my routine of laying in bed and not seeing anyone until the evening seems to put me in this odd mental state like nothing makes sense. I also have no feeling of time or what it really even is. But I know my usual routine sleep all day stay up all night doing searches on what could be wrong with me then do it again.

The last few days I haven't had that. 3 days ago I decided to walk out to the living room because I've been frustrated with myself and decided enough was enough, that's when I felt weird but I decided to push through it. The sleeping was also thrown off I decided to stay up all day and sleep at night which didn't work I slept a few hours and woke up at 3 am I panicked and kept pushing through and stayed up for over 24 hours I slept that night but everything felt weird yet comfortable the next day.

The day I had therapy though turned into a very odd mental state I stayed up talked with the family cleaned did things way out of routine to push myself then I crashed and slept a few hours. When I woke up I had a phone call about a family emergency and stayed up all night dealing with it but in between the phone calls I was goin into a weird place, everything was off - I usually spend my nights alone in a quiet place relaxed dealing with my own thoughts by myself but I couldn't do that and felt like one wrong thing and I'd be gone forever mentally. Soon enough the sun came up and by this time I'd usually be getting ready to fall asleep or at least lay there until I finally do with no interruptions but this morning I was still dealing with the family emergency and can't sleep. A family member came in my room which never happens I'm usually alone until the evening because that's just how my schedule has been and a few minutes later a friend of mine is knocking at the door all while I'm still dealing with the back and forth calls about the emergency.

I know it's a lot and probably makes no sense. Alll I want to know is am I losing my mind. Is there something I could do or change to fix these feelings or thoughts physically and mentally? I just want answers!!! I just want to feel at home again and fall asleep comfortable and feeling safe again. It's like I'm on high alert 24/7 and when I'm not on high alert I'm just barely here.
 
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Hello @Kay9477 I couldn't read the entire post you made because my (ptsd) brain cannot handle a post of ^ size without paragraphs, punctuation and spacing.

So I let my eyes skim and the one word that seems to come up a lot in your post is sleep.

the sleeping was also thrown off I decided to stay up all day and sleep at night which didn't work I slept a few hours and woke up at 3 am I panicked and kept pushing through and stayed up for over 24 hours I slept that night but everything felt weird yet comfortable the next day.the day I had therapy though turned into a very odd mental state I stayed up talked with the family cleaned did things way out of routine to push myself then I crashed and slept a few hours when I woke up I had a phone call about a family emergency and stayed up all night dealing with it but in between the phone calls I was goin into a weird place everything was off

^My views on sleep are as follows and believe me I think I could do with some right now. So this won't be a long reply.

Sleep is something that you must give a lot of attention to when you have ptsd. You might like to research it and make a project of it, but please respect it, work for it, work out how to make it happen. Consult your therapist and even try various medications to help you get to sleep until you establish other better and supportive routines.

Nothing gets better without sleep. It is probably the foundation from where all other healing begins.

Even on your worst days - if you have sufficient sleep you will do better than if you push yourself into sleep deprivation.

Your brain doesn't like being awake for as long as you've stated in your post. And you will begin to experience a whole range of very destructive symptoms purely from lack of sleep rather than ptsd. Then you'll begin experiencing a mixture of both and that's very unhealthy.

Go back to basics and learn about sleep hygiene. Even if everything else seems to be out of control, bring it back under control.

That's what I've found but it is something I have to really continue to work at. I'm not always successful as here I am at 0300 hrs or so, sitting on this site typing about the dam subject instead of blissfully doing it.

Nevertheless, I know why I am awake and I look forward to going to bed soon. I'm reluctant to say I've cracked the code for my successful sleep pattern but I have a good idea how to claw it back when it goes of kilter.

I hope you can too but it takes a fair bit of experimentation.

Best of luck with it.
 
Last edited:
Hello @Kay9477 I couldn't read the entire post you made because my (ptsd) brain cannot handle a post of ^ size without paragraphs, punctuation and spacing.

So I let my eyes skim and the one word that seems to come up a lot in your post is sleep.



^My views on sleep are as follows and believe me I think I could do with some right now. So this won't be a long reply.

Sleep is something that you must give a lot of attention to when you have ptsd. You might like to research it and make a project of it, but please respect it, work for it, work out how to make it happen. Consult your therapist and even try various medications to help you get to sleep until you establish other better and supportive routines.

Nothing gets better without sleep. It is probably the foundation from where all other healing begins.

Even on your worst days - if you have sufficient sleep you will do better than if you push yourself into sleep deprivation.

Your brain doesn't like being awake for as long as you've stated in your post. And you will begin to experience a whole range of very destructive symptoms purely from lack of sleep rather than ptsd. Then you'll begin experiencing a mixture of both and that's very unhealthy.

Go back to basics and learn about sleep hygiene. Even if everything else seems to be out of control, bring it back under control.

That's what I've found but it is something I have to really continue to work at. I'm not always successful as here I am at 0300 hrs or so, sitting on this site typing about the dam subject instead of blissfully doing it.

Nevertheless, I know why I am awake and I look forward to going to bed soon. I'm reluctant to say I've cracked the code for my successful sleep pattern but I have a good idea how to claw it back when it goes of kilter.

I hope you can too but it takes a fair bit of experimentation.

Best of luck with it.

That’s what I have also noticed. I am going through something similar, and my sleep has been really off for most of my life. But moreso lately. I hardly sleep and then I sleep a ton. I always have nightmares or stress dreams and wake up exhausted. But mostly I relate to the dissociation part.
I’m diagnosed with DPDR but I have undiagnosed multiple personalities that I am too afraid to share with a therapist. It’s literally like I’ve lost my mind lately. I keep feeling like I’m just a weird experiment for aliens or that I’m already dead. My mind is really jumbled and it’s crazy the changes that happen as I switch personalities, and everything seems too fast and I look at the clock and it’s only been a few minutes but it feels like a century, and I feel super disoriented most of the time, I don’t really feel like anyone in particular except a shell of a person who just has different personalities, I have no solid ground.

I’m sorry to hear about what happened with your family. My “routine” keeps getting thrown off by other people and events but really, that’s an every day thing where I can’t have a normal routine even though I know what I would want to do is isolate and be alone, and if someone else doesn’t sabotage it then my brain will. :(

And I also really relate hard to when you said “I feel like I’m barely here” like that’s exactly how it feels.

Wish I could help but I definitely agree about the sleep thing and also medications have helped me reduce it a little bit. Or if I eat vs when I’m not eating. Or if I am taking time for myself, or just doing a bunch of things for others and not helping myself at all.
 

Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
Meant kindly...

If you are as starving as you said in the other thread, of course you feel numb, apathetic, and have no energy left for basic functioning... even less stressors like interpersonal *anything*... that may well be normal life and easy... any time one's whole body ain't fighting for basic survival.

You aren't insane or going to.
But starvation *can* be quite deadly & on some level may be already / organ damage etc, so better get care there.

So prioritize that- getting to a better shape physically. The mental everything will lessen by then, not feel the same existential, deep, and pressing. And if it will, you gonna be better equipped for handling it.
 
’m sorry to hear about what happened with your family. My “routine” keeps getting thrown off by other people and events but really, that’s an every day thing where I can’t have a normal routine even though I know what I would want to do is isolate and be alone, and if someone else doesn’t sabotage it then my brain will. :(

And I also really relate hard to when you said “I feel like I’m barely here” like that’s exactly how it feels.

^ @Psychedelicrescendo - I think you're answering to me rather than the OP @Kay9477 - I think?? Not sure.
 
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