SeekingAfrica
Sponsor
It's been gradually getting worse no matter what I did this month, but today it's a new low. After a week of getting between really depressed and really anxious, I'm starting to find it impossibly hard to go through my days.
Today I had a lot of meetings and any time there would be any delay I would feel more and more anxious to a point where now at the end of the day, I can't function. My mind is spinning. I am in so much pain, mentally. I wanted to reach out to few friends, but from my closest ones, 2 have baby and toddler, and so they are really busy. 1 another is going through something as well. One is on a trip. And the last one had a flu today and I just can't bother her. Few of those are a friend group, meaning we all know each other and we have a whatsapp group to share updates...so I wanted to leave a message for them, but I can say a word or I end up rambling and making no sense.
The worse I feel the harder it is to say anything. I can't say anything. They know I've struggled with those things and I got better. They have their own trouble. I can't do that when everyone has something going on.
I have a dance class tomorrow and I'll probably go. I'm sure it will be nice, but it will be momentary solace, not solution. I'm sure there are better things to do to help myself, and I'm sure I'll get to them tomorrow, but today I just kind of feel mute. Like I want to scream that I need - something, help, to talk, anything- and I can't. It feels disgusting, like I'm useless and everything is pointless and I'm too useless to actually do anything about it.
Today I had a lot of meetings and any time there would be any delay I would feel more and more anxious to a point where now at the end of the day, I can't function. My mind is spinning. I am in so much pain, mentally. I wanted to reach out to few friends, but from my closest ones, 2 have baby and toddler, and so they are really busy. 1 another is going through something as well. One is on a trip. And the last one had a flu today and I just can't bother her. Few of those are a friend group, meaning we all know each other and we have a whatsapp group to share updates...so I wanted to leave a message for them, but I can say a word or I end up rambling and making no sense.
The worse I feel the harder it is to say anything. I can't say anything. They know I've struggled with those things and I got better. They have their own trouble. I can't do that when everyone has something going on.
I have a dance class tomorrow and I'll probably go. I'm sure it will be nice, but it will be momentary solace, not solution. I'm sure there are better things to do to help myself, and I'm sure I'll get to them tomorrow, but today I just kind of feel mute. Like I want to scream that I need - something, help, to talk, anything- and I can't. It feels disgusting, like I'm useless and everything is pointless and I'm too useless to actually do anything about it.