Im so confused


New Here
Hi I have had realized after a long time I was sexually molested by my step father it was one afternoon as I left he kissed me on the lips as I left and i smelt a familiar smell. I couldn't be alone with him after that I was fearful of him even though he was old and couldn't hurt me. The dreams started to come frequently after that. The dreams were strange, I didn't know where I was or how I got there and was I upstairs or down stairs even though we never lived in a two story house. Not long after he died and things got worse. I would freeze up so frigtened to move. I started to have dreams of someone standing over me and laying on me I would try and get away i smashed everything on my night stand and scared my husband. I have memory loss as far as my childhood goes its like a big black patch in my past. My mother wasnt around much and Dad was our main carer am I losing my mind or am I crazy. In my teenage years I turned to alchole and sex I hated it but thought the boy would like me for it but no it hurt so bad
Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you're having a really tough time at the moment. Do you have a therapist that you have supporting you while you work through this?
no I don't but i have made a doctors appointment in hopes I can I have had more memories of hearing my sister being molestered and its killing me inside