General Im struggling today. Compassion fatigue

Shamstel

New Here
My partner has PTSD since the beginning of this year, after brain surgery and having Trigeminal Neuralgia (pain in face) for a couple of months before that.
We met a month after the first pains started.
So we know eachother now for almost a year.

We didn’t know it was PTSD for months, the only thing I know is that there were a lot of triggers and I felt I couldn’t move in any direction without triggering them.
I’ve cried so much.. but after months of dealing with it we were finding out it was PTSD and everything fell into place.

But.. they haven’t gotten treatment yet and I’m literally hearing every day a new or old trigger. I barely can do anything without triggering something and everything is blamed on me. When I think we’ve talked about something and we ‘drop it’, a month later I hear it again..

Today I’m struggling cause I’ve read about not sharing all your thoughts and feelings towards your partner (if you have compassion fatigue for instance).
So my partner was triggered 2 days ago and I held them, had space for them, and then after I needed 20 min to myself cause I felt that compassion fatigue. Now they blame me for not talking to them about everything, but it’s only gonna make it worse. What do I say?
I have compassion fatigue? I’m so hurt cause you blame stuff on me and make me feel bad about every decision I make?

And today, we wanted to go outside.. big step for them. But they said: I’m scared cause I might get triggered and then you’re gonna get angry/triggered cause that happend 2 days ago.

Yes, sometimes I am so tired.. cause I try to do everything right. But I need my 20 min of downtime too.. now it’s being used against me..
I get they get scared, but I’m not a robot..
I have feelings too…

I really don’t know where to draw a line..
Im crying in my room now cause I feel like I can never be good enough. I always trigger them, I never handle it the way they want..
I get frustrated sometimes cause it’s always about them, the whole day..
It sounds horrible but I’m doing everything I can (even going to therapy now for myself cause they say I have now ptsd too) but they are not in therapy yet…

Does anyone have this too?
I feel so selfish for needing my time and feeling the compassion fatigue… :(
 

Friday

Moderator
What do I say?
I have compassion fatigue? I’m so hurt cause you blame stuff on me and make me feel bad about every decision I make?
That’s pretty much what I say to grownups. Because they’re grownups. Not children. And I tend to be exceptionally honest with my partners. For example?

But they said: I’m scared cause I might get triggered and then you’re gonna get angry/triggered cause that happend 2 days ago.
What I typically say in that type of situation >>> Yep. Totally might happen. Or I might need the whole afternoon. Or the weekend. No idea. We’re learning what each of us needs, right now. This is part of the process.

Children, I hire a babysitter and GTFO to rest/recharge/no longer be responsible for anyone but myself.

But.. they haven’t gotten treatment yet
The 2 best things about treatment, IMO?

1. Actually getting to be YOU, again, instead of being expected to be multiple people (who, in real life, get breaks & time off & training & sick days & set schedules & & &).

2. A clue by four upside the head that THEIR triggers are not anyone else’s fault or responsibility.

There are quite a lot of things about treatment that also make the “worst things about trauma therapy” list. But those 2 bests? Make all the negatives worth it, IMO/IME.
 
E

Earthpuppy

You got involved with a gaslighter who is apparently using PTSD as an excuse to be either just an asshole, or a wimp afraid to deal with his alleged PTSD. People can learn to live with a partner dealing with PTSD, but DEALING WITH IT is the key.
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
I barely can do anything without triggering something and everything is blamed on me.
You’re not triggering them, they’re being triggered. It’s happening in their head, so it’s their responsibility. Unless you know a specific trigger and you are doing it maliciously on purpose to hurt them, you are not triggering.

Blame shifting is emotional manipulation. You are allowed boundaries and down time. You’re not a martyr in charge of their mental well-being 24/7.
 
Top