He seemed like such a rock, and so stable and committed, until the visa was granted to come here....I feel like he "projected" everything then, how stressful all the hoops we have to jump through are to be together, how he will have to sell all his things to move here, how expensive the permanent visa will be ($8000) etc etc....when he KNEW every single one of these things from day ONE. Never were they an issue, UNTIL he COULD actually come here and our borders opened and he got his tourist visa. None of these reasons he gave were about anything he did not know about for almost three years. Suddenly he was overwhelmed and was projecting into the future and listing all the things that could go wrong, when it was ME who bought those up time and time again (out of fear and concern, not as reasons to not be together) during the pandemic and he always, always told me nothing would stop us from being together, even if our visas were denied we would move to another country to be together. He said no government nor anyone could stop us from being together. He always wanted me to "be in the present" and not worry about things in the future which could go wrong or that i could not control....which i get, but all of a sudden he gets his visa and is totally in the future and throwing every possible thing that could go wrong at me...I think one of the cruelest things about PTSD is the ability to mask during the honeymoon phase. You have no idea what PTSD really is until after you’re well and good in love, then you get a full dose square in the face and you wonder what happened to your loved one. The truth is *this* is really your loved one. Before was them masking until they felt comfortable.
Your man probably was able to mask for a loooooooooooong time because of the distance.
As far as being friends, you cannot martyr yourself to help him. It’s not going to fix his PTSD. He’s an adult, he made a choice. These are the consequences. You are not responsible for his mental health.
As far as combat PTSD and therapy goes, it’s probably just as individual as each vet. Some may seek out care and be very receptive to treatment. Others may be a treatment resistant stubborn ass. I know if he’s American the VA is a joke when it comes to mental health care. My vet has been in and out of treatment for 15 years or so. He did a stretch of inpatient care, and honestly, he needs it again. He’s unfortunately the stubborn ass variety.
I dont know if he was hiding anything from me per se, or he was just lying to himself that he could move here (or even just visit)....but he seemed 100% committed and honest UNTIL he got the visa. He has a lot of integrity and abhors lying, and never lies, so I honestly dont think he was lying to me, ergh its all so unfair.