In need of some hope

[JGTRG]

My experience of pshycological abuse and a life a no love or compassion is starting to take its toll on me. If someone genuine, someone who shows love scares me, I close up, I panic, I question, I doubt, I sabotage. Yet, I want someone to share my life with so bad. I’m not desperate because I can’t be alone, being alone isn’t an issue for me.
If I miss someone or start to need something, it just reminds me of my childhood, it makes me feel like I’m in the wrong for needing something, and it makes me feel like a vulnerable little child full of fear, fear of disappointment.
The thought of dating? No. I don’t even want to. I do however want to get to know someone, speak often, yet my attempts to do this are next to none.

How can one have hope of finding someone when all the above happens? It’s showing no signs of changing and constantly reminds me of how ‘damaged’

 

[Survivor3]

Hi @JGTRG, if your feeling like that then maybe you should consider just making friends with people. Nothing to intimate. Build up your social network.

 

[JGTRG]

Hi @JGTRG, if your feeling like that then maybe you should consider just making friends with people. Nothing to intimate. Build up your social network.

Some of the above applies to any relationship even friendship so I haven’t even figured out friendships either!

 

[Survivor3]

Ok I understand.

 

[grit]

You may know this already but another benefit of therapy, is to learn how to be in a relationship even though yes we are paying for it. So I hope you find a therapist that can work with you and with boundary and limitation, you find being and feeling safe is OK both within and externally.

 

[Sanctuary]

Hi J
I so hate the word damaged, it hurts.
I prefer to use the word broken.
But if you are broken then it can be mended


Reminds me of the song Bargain Store by Dolly Parton. Always did like her when I was a kid.

Go listen to the song - it may help.

Some lyrics Bargain Store by Dolly Parton

My life is like into a bargain store
and I may have just what you're looking for.
if you don't mind the fact that all the mercerized is used,
with a little mending it can be as good as new.

( These words are from memory, sending you the song Bargain store by Dolly Parton to comfort you and give HOPE