@Ellierose2x - I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time.
I'm gonna echo @Friday's suggestion, that you choose some real-life crisis lines/helplines, when you're feeling like you need an immediate response. This forum doesn't work like a chat room, and it can take even a few days for people to see and respond to posts.
And, I want to encourage you to browse and read other threads, to get a clearer sense of how to best use the forum.
It's very good that you're reaching out - remember to keep breathing. You might find it useful to do a search on this site for grounding techniques - those can be very helpful when things get overwhelming. You can also search for flooding, or emotional flooding.