Undiagnosed in the process of being diagnosed

electradrac

New Here
hi. im nearly 19. it never feels like i got a break. ever.
i was bullied for being disabled and i do believe that it traumatized me in a way.
my dad died when i was 9.
my family fell apart very quickly.
the past 9 years, ive witnessed my mom get verbally abused and harassed by my dads side of the family.
high school was absolutely terrible for me. i transferred to three different schools. my last one was great, i loved it. senior year was awesome.
i was put into a psychiatric ward in 9th grade and 11th grade. i had a mental breakdown in 11th. i cant even remember some things from then, i was so out of it.
junior and senior year is when i started dealing with my sexual trauma. that happened i think when i was 8.
ive seen 4-5 therapists i think. and my recent one is the best. love that woman.
my senior year is when i started discovering that im neurodivergent. its a lot to process for me right now.
theres a lot for me to process right now in general.
my mom got assaulted by my aunt two weeks ago. im the one who had to call 911.
things are being settled. but my mind isn't settling.
im on two different medications but im now put on xanax, only to take when im feeling really anxious.
my mom and i are trying to get help and move out. we have so much support. its really nice.
i just dont know if this will all ever end for me. its like nonstop chaos.
my family has invalidated my trauma.
i tend to feel guilty n stuff but i have to remember, just because its not a common traumatic event, doesnt mean it didn't traumatize me. not everyone will be traumatized by the same events. i have to remember that. you should too.
your trauma is valid.
this is only the surface of my life. sadly, things are much deeper.
im thankful to have a wonderful boyfriend and awesome irl/internet friends who have my back.
i just want these flashbacks to end.
i hope to find some nice people on here. im new to this. im hoping this is a safe space.
 

daisydew

Learning
Hi, I'm fairly new as well and I've found that people are very understanding and kind.

Since you're in the process of being diagnosed, I hope a proper diagnosis will help you in treatment and help mitigate the effects of what you've gone through. I'm sorry to hear your family has been invalidating of this. If you are being hurt by it, it's a valid thing to be affected by.

I'm glad to hear you have a supportive boyfriend and friends, and that your recent therapist is helpful. I hope all those things aid in your healing.
 
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