Rose White
MyPTSD Pro
I want to stop believing that my specific trauma exempts me from having self worth.
Here is the negative thought loop: When I asked for help as an infant my father sexually abused me sometimes. That early treatment along with his physical abuse and emotional manipulation (and my mother’s enabling him) in the rest of my childhood altered my polyvagal nerve so that I stopped seeking care and my self worth disappeared.
It might be better if I told myself that my self-worth was kept sacred and whole beneath the fragmentation, waiting for me to recognize and own it. But my feeling experience is that I have little to no sustainable access to it. Or that thinking myself unworthy wins out almost all the time.
Here is the negative thought loop: When I asked for help as an infant my father sexually abused me sometimes. That early treatment along with his physical abuse and emotional manipulation (and my mother’s enabling him) in the rest of my childhood altered my polyvagal nerve so that I stopped seeking care and my self worth disappeared.
It might be better if I told myself that my self-worth was kept sacred and whole beneath the fragmentation, waiting for me to recognize and own it. But my feeling experience is that I have little to no sustainable access to it. Or that thinking myself unworthy wins out almost all the time.