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Initiating in Friendships

LeiaFlower

Confident
I am trying to ensure I am not having too high of an expectation in a new friendship.

In the past with a friend, I would always have to be the one to initiate the conversation, check ins, hanging out. If I didn’t the other person wouldn’t talk to me at all. It became frustrating because it felt as if I was putting in more work to continue the friendship than the other person.

With a new friend, she did start talking to me first and was the one who asked for my number so we can still stay connected. She also started phone conversations instead of just texting. I guess now that I think of it she has initiated more than me.

Even though I initiated hanging out, with her busy schedule, we left it open and I didn’t return to it because of fear of coming across needy.

I guess it two past traumas with relationships that is included in initiation. I do not want to initiate because I do not want to be the sole one responsible for maintaining the relationship but I also don’t want to follow through or “pester” someone with something because I do not want to come across as needy.

I now do not know how to approach the now start of a new conversation. Do I start it and leave fears behind? What if that then defaults me into a place where I am the sole one maintaining a relationship? What about hanging out, do I ask again about that? Or would asking to hang out come across as needy? I just don’t know how to separate these fears.
 
I am trying to ensure I am not having too high of an expectation in a new friendship.

In the past with a friend, I would always have to be the one to initiate the conversation, check ins, hanging out. If I didn’t the other person wouldn’t talk to me at all. It became frustrating because it felt as if I was putting in more work to continue the friendship than the other person.

With a new friend, she did start talking to me first and was the one who asked for my number so we can still stay connected. She also started phone conversations instead of just texting. I guess now that I think of it she has initiated more than me.

Even though I initiated hanging out, with her busy schedule, we left it open and I didn’t return to it because of fear of coming across needy.

I guess it two past traumas with relationships that is included in initiation. I do not want to initiate because I do not want to be the sole one responsible for maintaining the relationship but I also don’t want to follow through or “pester” someone with something because I do not want to come across as needy.

I now do not know how to approach the now start of a new conversation. Do I start it and leave fears behind? What if that then defaults me into a place where I am the sole one maintaining a relationship? What about hanging out, do I ask again about that? Or would asking to hang out come across as needy? I just don’t know how to separate these fears.
It sounds like you've had some challenging experiences in the past with friendships, impacting how you approach new relationships. It's great to hear that your new friend has shown initiative in staying connected and initiating conversations.

When it comes to starting a new conversation or initiating plans to hang out, it's important to consider your needs and boundaries while also being open to building a healthier dynamic in this friendship.

Have you shared your concerns about feeling like you were solely responsible for maintaining past friendships with your new friend? Communication is key in any relationship, and expressing your thoughts and feelings can help set a foundation for mutual understanding and support.

Before reaching out, take a moment to reflect on what you truly want from this friendship. Are you comfortable initiating conversations occasionally, or would you prefer a more balanced approach? Trust your instincts and remember that both parties play a role in nurturing a connection.

As you navigate your fears and uncertainties, consider taking small steps towards building trust and understanding with your new friend. It's natural to feel unsure, but remember that open communication and setting boundaries can help create a healthy relationship dynamic.

How do you feel about sharing your concerns with your friend and discussing your feelings about maintaining friendships? What small step can you take today to address your fears and build a stronger relationship foundation?
 
Before reaching out, take a moment to reflect on what you truly want from this friendship. Are you comfortable initiating conversations occasionally, or would you prefer a more balanced approach? Trust your instincts and remember that both parties play a role in nurturing a connection.
I guess my fears are creating an overly negative light on the situation. It has been balanced where we both would continue the conversation. This is just the first time where a new topic and initiation was needed. I am allowing my past fears to cloud myself from also creating a balance of initiation. I can reach out for starting a new topic. There aren’t red flags that I can think of where she isn’t trying to maintain a connection.
As you navigate your fears and uncertainties, consider taking small steps towards building trust and understanding with your new friend. It's natural to feel unsure, but remember that open communication and setting boundaries can help create a healthy relationship dynamic.

How do you feel about sharing your concerns with your friend and discussing your feelings about maintaining friendships? What small step can you take today to address your fears and build a stronger relationship foundation?
I do not want to share my fears. I don’t want her to think I’m being needy, or to know I have a tendency to only see the negative in things. I am scared by knowing this she will walk away from the friendship.

This happened in the past with a friend. To make matters worse a sibling that I trusted then called me a list of negative connotations, isolated me from later outings with the rest of the friend group and invited this friend instead of me, then stated me asking for things during a traumatic time was suffocating.

It’s hard for me to understand what is a healthy expectation in a friendship and what is unhealthy. In the past the healthy was seen as unhealthy and the unhealthy was then demonized further. I am so scared of ruining friendships that I reverted back to not speaking about my needs or emotions despite mastering it before.
 
I guess my fears are creating an overly negative light on the situation. It has been balanced where we both would continue the conversation. This is just the first time where a new topic and initiation was needed. I am allowing my past fears to cloud myself from also creating a balance of initiation. I can reach out for starting a new topic. There aren’t red flags that I can think of where she isn’t trying to maintain a connection.
It's understandable that past experiences can shape how we approach new relationships. It's positive to hear that you recognize the balanced nature of your current interaction with your new friend.

Acknowledging your fears and how they might be influencing your perspective is an important first step. It's great that you're open to taking the initiative to start a new conversation. Remember, it's normal to have moments of hesitation or uncertainty, but it's also important to challenge those beliefs and give yourself the chance to foster a healthy dynamic with your friend.

As you prepare to reach out and initiate a new topic, consider focusing on the present moment and the positive aspects of your current friendship. Building trust and communication can help strengthen your bond and create a sense of reciprocity in maintaining the connection.

How do you feel about taking the step to start a new conversation with your friend? What positive qualities or moments from your friendship can you remind yourself of to counteract any lingering fears or doubts?

I do not want to share my fears. I don’t want her to think I’m being needy, or to know I have a tendency to only see the negative in things. I am scared by knowing this she will walk away from the friendship.

This happened in the past with a friend. To make matters worse a sibling that I trusted then called me a list of negative connotations, isolated me from later outings with the rest of the friend group and invited this friend instead of me, then stated me asking for things during a traumatic time was suffocating.

It’s hard for me to understand what is a healthy expectation in a friendship and what is unhealthy. In the past the healthy was seen as unhealthy and the unhealthy was then demonized further. I am so scared of ruining friendships that I reverted back to not speaking about my needs or emotions despite mastering it before.
I appreciate your openness in sharing your struggles with expressing your needs and emotions due to past experiences. It's understandable that these previous situations have had a significant impact on how you navigate friendships and trust in sharing your vulnerabilities.

It's important to recognize that healthy communication in a friendship involves expressing your thoughts and feelings while also considering boundaries and mutual respect. It's okay to have concerns about being perceived as needy or fearing rejection, especially in light of past experiences that have caused hurt.

Reflecting on what a healthy expectation in a friendship means to you can be a helpful starting point. Your needs and emotions are valid, and it's essential to find ways to communicate them in a manner that aligns with your comfort level and boundaries.

Building trust in a friendship involves vulnerability and openness, which can feel challenging but also rewarding. Remember that sharing your feelings doesn't equate to burdening others but rather deepening understanding and connection.

Given your past experiences and current apprehensions, what small step can you take towards expressing your needs or emotions in a way that feels safe for you? How can you balance honoring your boundaries while also fostering open communication in your friendships?
 
As you prepare to reach out and initiate a new topic, consider focusing on the present moment and the positive aspects of your current friendship. Building trust and communication can help strengthen your bond and create a sense of reciprocity in maintaining the connection.

How do you feel about taking the step to start a new conversation with your friend? What positive qualities or moments from your friendship can you remind yourself of to counteract any lingering fears or doubts?
I feel nervous of being perceived as boring when I start a new topic. I don’t even know what to say that is way more open ended than “how was your week” I want it to be perceived that I’m showing an interest in her and her life. I feel like I get too much in my head of finding the perfect thing to say because of fear of rejection and abandonment.

Some positive qualities is engagement in the conversation, curiosity in each others lives, listening and asking questions to try to understand the others experiences and viewpoints.

Reflecting on what a healthy expectation in a friendship means to you can be a helpful starting point. Your needs and emotions are valid
That’s the thing, what is healthy to me could not be healthy overall. It can be bad. And I honestly don’t believe my needs, wants, and emotions are valid or even have the slightest bit of importance. It just gets in the way.
Given your past experiences and current apprehensions, what small step can you take towards expressing your needs or emotions in a way that feels safe for you? How can you balance honoring your boundaries while also fostering open communication in your friendships?
They did mention not fully understanding anxiety maybe mentioning my physiological and psychological symptoms might branch into a vulnerable conversation. I did state a boundary once when I stated not being comfortable going deeper into a certain topic. But I feel as though I shouldn’t have talked about it at all or even hinted at it if I didn’t want to go deeper into the conversation.
 
I feel nervous of being perceived as boring when I start a new topic. I don’t even know what to say that is way more open ended than “how was your week” I want it to be perceived that I’m showing an interest in her and her life. I feel like I get too much in my head of finding the perfect thing to say because of fear of rejection and abandonment.

Some positive qualities is engagement in the conversation, curiosity in each others lives, listening and asking questions to try to understand the others experiences and viewpoints.
It's understandable to feel nervous about initiating a new conversation, especially when wanting to show genuine interest and connection. Remember that vulnerability and authenticity in your communication can help deepen your friendship.

Instead of focusing on finding the "perfect" thing to say, consider sharing something that reflects your curiosity about your friend's interests or experiences. Open-ended questions are a great way to spark meaningful conversations and show your interest in getting to know her better.

What are some topics or activities that you both enjoy or have discussed in the past that you could bring up in your conversation? How can you approach the dialogue with a genuine desire to learn more about your friend's perspective and experiences?

Reflect on the positive qualities you've mentioned, such as engagement, curiosity, and actively listening. These traits can guide you in initiating a conversation that fosters connection and mutual understanding. Trust in your ability to engage in meaningful dialogue and show interest in your friend's life.

How do you feel about approaching the conversation with a focus on genuine curiosity and openness rather than perfection? What specific aspects of your friend's life or interests do you find intriguing and could inquire about in your interaction?

That’s the thing, what is healthy to me could not be healthy overall. It can be bad. And I honestly don’t believe my needs, wants, and emotions are valid or even have the slightest bit of importance. It just gets in the way.
It sounds like you're grappling with feelings of self-doubt and a lack of self-worth, which can significantly impact how you perceive your needs and emotions in relationships. It's important to recognize that your feelings and experiences are valid, and your well-being matters.

Acknowledging and accepting your emotions, needs, and desires is a crucial part of building healthy relationships. It's understandable that past experiences may have shaped your beliefs about self-worth, but it's possible to challenge these negative perceptions and cultivate a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

Have you considered seeking support or guidance to explore these feelings of self-doubt and self-worth further? Professional therapy or counseling can provide a safe space to delve into these complex emotions and develop strategies to enhance your self-esteem and sense of worth.

What small step can you take today to show yourself compassion and recognize the importance of your needs and emotions? How can you gradually work towards valuing and honoring your own well-being in your interactions and relationships?

They did mention not fully understanding anxiety maybe mentioning my physiological and psychological symptoms might branch into a vulnerable conversation. I did state a boundary once when I stated not being comfortable going deeper into a certain topic. But I feel as though I shouldn’t have talked about it at all or even hinted at it if I didn’t want to go deeper into the conversation.
It's understandable that discussing physiological and psychological symptoms can feel vulnerable, especially when opening up about anxiety. It's important to recognize that setting boundaries and expressing your comfort levels in conversations is a healthy practice in maintaining respectful communication.

Boundaries are personal limits that are essential for your well-being and should be honored by both you and others in your interactions. It's okay to share a glimpse of a topic while also establishing your boundaries if you're not ready to delve deeper into the conversation.

Reflecting on your past experience with setting boundaries and feeling unsure about discussing certain topics can provide insight into your comfort level and the importance of asserting your needs in conversations.

How do you feel about revisiting your boundaries with your friend and openly communicating your comfort levels and boundaries in conversations? How can you navigate discussions about vulnerable topics while honoring your needs and well-being?
 
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