swaninterrupted
New Here
to be here and write this has to be the hardest thing i’ve done, but i feel like i’ve got nowhere to run, and im too scared to tell anyone.
when i was around 7, my mother (who had been divorced from my father for 3 years) had met a man who lived close by and they quickly formed a relationship. he had a daughter from a previous relationship who soon became my stepsister. she was younger than me by a few months, and i had always been afraid of her, not particularly knowing why. she was very shy and simple, contrast to my outgoing personality. nevertheless, i enjoyed her company. however, throughout the years she had gotten progressively more inappropriate with me.
it started off rather tame, with her asking me personal questions about my genitals, whether i had gotten my period yet, ect. however, as time passed, things had gotten much worse. i don’t remember many of the things that she did, but i remember being terrified to see her and crying every time she would be home instead of with her mother.
however, i do remember one incident when i was around 10 years old. we were swimming in the trailer park swimming pool, and after we had walked home, she asked me to change in the restroom with her. i agreed, as our trailer only had one bathroom. when we were both completely naked, she had told me that she knew a way to make us “real sisters,” which involved us sitting on the toilet facing each other. once i had done that, she started scissoring me.
i wanted her to stop, i hated it so much and i remember feeling so disgusting afterward. after that, i was terrified to see her again. about a year later, she insisted on sleeping in my bed with me, where she’d touch my vagina through my clothes. i didn’t tell her no, but i remember walking out of the room to go sleep somewhere else, utterly horrified. i can remember fragments of more things she did after that, but i can barely remember them.
i never told anyone but my mother, who dismissed it as kids being kids, which i didn’t believe, as i didn’t think that “kids being kids” should make me that uncomfortable. a month after that, my mother divorced her father and i never saw her again.
fast forward to my eighth grade year, where i was best friends with a girl named [name removed]. we were inseparable and had everything in common, especially our love for classical literature. my favorite book at the time was (and still is) crime and punishment by fyodor dostoyevsky. i adored her, as it was hard to find other teenage girls who had the same appreciation for classical literature as i did.
however, she was very sexual and was an out lesbian. the first time i noticed this was when i had seen her draw a picture of me in a very sexual pose with nothing but i thong on. i remember being explicit and telling her not to draw sexual pictures of me, but she still did. during the school year, things got much worse. she had written an erotic fanfiction about me getting raped by franz liszt after i told her she was my favorite composer. she had forced me to watch gay porn with her even when i expressed that i really wasn’t comfortable with it.
one day, i was having a particularly bad day after getting into a fight with another friend, where she had asked it i’d feel better if she fingered my hole. i froze, not knowing what to do. it was just us alone in the school bathroom. she had come closer to me, as if she were going to do it. then the janitor walked in and i had an opportunity to escape.
a few days later in gym class, we were walking laps when she came behind me and groped me, first groping my rear end, then moving to my vagina. all of my friends saw it and i was really embarrassed. she said it was an accident, and i tried to forget about it. over the next few months after she had groped me, she had gotten even worse. however, things reached their boiling point in april when she decided to make a tiktok account claiming to be my “secret admirer.”
i had come back to school after being sick for a week and she had shown it to me, saying that there was someone at school who loved me very dearly. the page provided no information that would identify the creator, so i had no way of knowing that it was her. the page had pictures of me with concerning captions that discussed my “secret admirer’s” habits of masturbating to pictures of me, crying over not being in a relationship with me, and many other things, set to classical music by chopin, liszt, and tchaikovsky, my favorite composers, with references to my crime and punishment, the brothers karamazov, romeo and juliet, eugene onegin, and many of my other favorite books. this had gone on for about 2 weeks.
[name removed] was the main person who was helping me find this “secret admirer,” until one day she had slipped, and i had found her phone number linked to the account. i felt so disgusting. the account consisted of many disturbing comments about me, including rape threats and stalking. [name removed] admit to making the account. i had told the principal at our school, and she had done nothing about it except tell [name removed] to delete the account. i felt so helpless. i haven’t talked to her since, she’s found a new friend group.
ever since what’s happened, my whole life has turned upside down, i feel like it was my fault what happened. i still do not feel right, i feel like a liar. i’ve always felt that certain feeling that something bad must happen to me in order for me to truly be loved and appreciated. now, something genuinely terrible has happened and i can’t process it because i feel like i just made it all up for attention. i can’t report either events, as child on child sexual assault isn’t taken seriously at all. am i being overdramatic?
when i was around 7, my mother (who had been divorced from my father for 3 years) had met a man who lived close by and they quickly formed a relationship. he had a daughter from a previous relationship who soon became my stepsister. she was younger than me by a few months, and i had always been afraid of her, not particularly knowing why. she was very shy and simple, contrast to my outgoing personality. nevertheless, i enjoyed her company. however, throughout the years she had gotten progressively more inappropriate with me.
it started off rather tame, with her asking me personal questions about my genitals, whether i had gotten my period yet, ect. however, as time passed, things had gotten much worse. i don’t remember many of the things that she did, but i remember being terrified to see her and crying every time she would be home instead of with her mother.
however, i do remember one incident when i was around 10 years old. we were swimming in the trailer park swimming pool, and after we had walked home, she asked me to change in the restroom with her. i agreed, as our trailer only had one bathroom. when we were both completely naked, she had told me that she knew a way to make us “real sisters,” which involved us sitting on the toilet facing each other. once i had done that, she started scissoring me.
i wanted her to stop, i hated it so much and i remember feeling so disgusting afterward. after that, i was terrified to see her again. about a year later, she insisted on sleeping in my bed with me, where she’d touch my vagina through my clothes. i didn’t tell her no, but i remember walking out of the room to go sleep somewhere else, utterly horrified. i can remember fragments of more things she did after that, but i can barely remember them.
i never told anyone but my mother, who dismissed it as kids being kids, which i didn’t believe, as i didn’t think that “kids being kids” should make me that uncomfortable. a month after that, my mother divorced her father and i never saw her again.
fast forward to my eighth grade year, where i was best friends with a girl named [name removed]. we were inseparable and had everything in common, especially our love for classical literature. my favorite book at the time was (and still is) crime and punishment by fyodor dostoyevsky. i adored her, as it was hard to find other teenage girls who had the same appreciation for classical literature as i did.
however, she was very sexual and was an out lesbian. the first time i noticed this was when i had seen her draw a picture of me in a very sexual pose with nothing but i thong on. i remember being explicit and telling her not to draw sexual pictures of me, but she still did. during the school year, things got much worse. she had written an erotic fanfiction about me getting raped by franz liszt after i told her she was my favorite composer. she had forced me to watch gay porn with her even when i expressed that i really wasn’t comfortable with it.
one day, i was having a particularly bad day after getting into a fight with another friend, where she had asked it i’d feel better if she fingered my hole. i froze, not knowing what to do. it was just us alone in the school bathroom. she had come closer to me, as if she were going to do it. then the janitor walked in and i had an opportunity to escape.
a few days later in gym class, we were walking laps when she came behind me and groped me, first groping my rear end, then moving to my vagina. all of my friends saw it and i was really embarrassed. she said it was an accident, and i tried to forget about it. over the next few months after she had groped me, she had gotten even worse. however, things reached their boiling point in april when she decided to make a tiktok account claiming to be my “secret admirer.”
i had come back to school after being sick for a week and she had shown it to me, saying that there was someone at school who loved me very dearly. the page provided no information that would identify the creator, so i had no way of knowing that it was her. the page had pictures of me with concerning captions that discussed my “secret admirer’s” habits of masturbating to pictures of me, crying over not being in a relationship with me, and many other things, set to classical music by chopin, liszt, and tchaikovsky, my favorite composers, with references to my crime and punishment, the brothers karamazov, romeo and juliet, eugene onegin, and many of my other favorite books. this had gone on for about 2 weeks.
[name removed] was the main person who was helping me find this “secret admirer,” until one day she had slipped, and i had found her phone number linked to the account. i felt so disgusting. the account consisted of many disturbing comments about me, including rape threats and stalking. [name removed] admit to making the account. i had told the principal at our school, and she had done nothing about it except tell [name removed] to delete the account. i felt so helpless. i haven’t talked to her since, she’s found a new friend group.
ever since what’s happened, my whole life has turned upside down, i feel like it was my fault what happened. i still do not feel right, i feel like a liar. i’ve always felt that certain feeling that something bad must happen to me in order for me to truly be loved and appreciated. now, something genuinely terrible has happened and i can’t process it because i feel like i just made it all up for attention. i can’t report either events, as child on child sexual assault isn’t taken seriously at all. am i being overdramatic?
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